Being Alone is Not the Same as Being Lonely
Recently, the Surgeon General of the USA, Dr Murthy, called loneliness an epidemic in our society.
After experiencing the Covid pandemic and our continuous detachment from others (physically, at least), and through too much scrolling and time on our phones and other devices……it’s no wonder that loneliness is increasing.
Loneliness is NOT the same as being alone. You can be surrounded by people and feel lonely. You can be alone and feel free….and great. As a matter of fact, it’s said that if you can go to a movie or show alone or sit in a café/restaurant by yourself and feel comfortable, then you’ve learned to love yourself.
Congratulations! There’s nothing more important than this…….and knowing that you’ll be in great company every day of your life………………….with YOU!
These are big subjects (being alone and being lonely) that have come up even more since the Covid pandemic started. We spent a lot more time alone or at home with others. Either way, we had no choice but to deal with these issues of ‘being alone’ and ‘being lonely’.
We often associate ‘being alone’ with ‘being lonely’ but there is a big difference between the two.
‘Being alone’ is a physical state; you are, physically, by yourself.
‘Being lonely’ is an emotional state where you’re feeling alone or disconnected from others, even if they’re right next to you or around you.
The key difference between the two is emotional attachment. Being alone is more a state of being or circumstance, while loneliness is a feeling.
Loneliness is feeling like our true self is not seen, heard or understood, either by others or from ourselves.
There are many folks who crave solitude, which is the state or situation of being alone, and others who fear it. Much of this has to do with our relationship with ourselves.
The most important relationship in our lives is the one we have with ourselves! If you enjoy being alone, and feel comfortable when you are, this is a good sign that you have a healthy relationship with yourself.
If you avoid alone time, constantly and at all costs, then it’s time to look within and start to work on that relationship……..the one with yourself. And even if you are good by yourself and with yourself, there are times you’ll feel lonely. This is part of the human condition. But if you’re lonely most of the time, then it’s time to ask for help.
When you’re in balance, you enjoy both your time alone, as well as the company of others. We need time for introspection and time for social connection. It’s important to be aware of and in tune with these different parts of us. When we’re balanced, we have a sense of individuality but also see our need for a role as part of a larger group.
Introvert……….Ambivert…………..Extrovert:
There is a spectrum that exists from being an introvert to being an extrovert. We are all differing amounts of each.
Your preferences for solitude play a role in determining whether being alone (more or less) has a positive or negative effect on your well-being. As more of an extrovert, you may often dislike being alone and as more of an introvert, you may tend to prefer it. Being more of an introvert, though, does not mean that you want to be alone all of the time. Introverts also need a support system and social connections.
The opposite is also true. If you’re more of an extrovert, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t capable of enjoying your own company.
Introverts like to recharge their energy by being alone. Extroverts tend to recharge by being in the company of others.
Loneliness is more about being isolated despite wanting social connections, whereas being alone means taking time for yourself between your social interactions.
Wherever you are on this spectrum, learn how to be alone; sit silently (introspect; feel your feelings) or go to a café/restaurant and read or talk to strangers. You never know who you’ll meet and most important……you’ll meet yourself……. your best friend and most loyal companion. This is why traveling alone can be so exciting………
Being Alone:
Solitude is beneficial when:
-it’s voluntary. It’s your choice.
-you maintain positive relationships.
-you’re able to return to social groups when you want to.
-you feel good about spending time alone.
On the other hand, being alone can be harmful if it feels like a punishment or if you feel excluded from social connections.
Just a tip: just because you are outgoing and like people, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re an extrovert. You may look and sound like an extrovert but actually be more of an introvert; you need to recharge your batteries by being alone or you don’t like being in large crowds or being around loud noise, etc………The spectrum is quite wide.
There are so many great things to do by yourself. First of all, you have freedom. You can do what you really want to do……..and you may want or need this. It can be rejuvenating to do what you choose to and what YOU enjoy!
Things to Do By Yourself:
-go out to a café/restaurant. You can try your favorite things and just relax and savor the food and the moment.
-go to the movies/show. You can fully focus on the story and visuals.
-go to a concert/performance. I live in NYC and this is easy, particularly in the summer. There are free concerts and performances all over. I’m sure that it’s similar in many other places.
-go for a hike. Spending time in nature is great for your health (your heart, mind and soul). You can connect with nature, challenge your body and enjoy the beauty around you.
-travel. It can seem a bit scary to travel alone. I started doing it young and love it. I can do and see what I want to and I tend to be more open to meeting new people and having interesting experiences……….and I do. It makes my travel experiences more exciting and memorable. Try it………..you’ll like it!
-go to a museum/gallery/art show. You can take your time and absorb the art at your own pace and have your own reactions…
-learn something new. Sign up for a class or a group (meetup, interNations, etc.). Pursue something that satisfies your own interests……and gives you JOY! Learning something new also keeps your mind sharp and curious…..Stay curious!
-volunteer. Look for opportunities to devote some time to a cause you’re interested in or passionate about.
Wow; who knew this was such a big subject? In the next post, we’ll talk more about the Benefits of Being Alone (Solitude)…………..and there are many (though our social media would have us think otherwise).
In the meantime, enjoy your time by yourself. It is to be cherished………
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
Change your Thoughts, Change your Mind, Change your World