The Benefits of Being Happy Alone (Solitude)
The Benefits of Being Happy Alone (Solitude)
Yes; you’re seeing that right………..there are many BENEFITS of being alone!
I know that in our society, we’re not encouraged to be alone………for silence, introspection, to hear your intuitive inner voice, to unwind, and be creative.
In the last posts, we spoke about loneliness and the difference between it and solitude (or being alone).
We also talked about the spectrum from introvert………….ambivert…………….extrovert. If you’re more of an introvert, you may enjoy time alone; to recharge, unwind or just have some quiet so you can hear yourself….
If you’re more of an extrovert, being alone may be a bit more challenging.
Wherever you sit on this spectrum, it is essential to learn how to be happy alone because YOU are the one constant relationship in your life…..and you want to make it a good one!
Learning and adopting some habits and self-care practices can help you to learn and enjoy being happy while on your own. This can include improving your coping skills, discovering what gives you joy, or maybe finding a creative outlet.
Let’s go over some TIPS to get you started on the road to being happy being alone…..and the BENEFITS:
Some of these may resonate with you; others may not make much sense at this moment. Just keep open, try them and see what happens………
1)This is a major one. Avoid COMPARING yourself to others.
Easier said than done, you may say, but so important for your good mental health. You are a beautiful being, UNIQUE, with your own gifts, talents and skills. You can’t be like anyone else and no one else can be like you and that’s what makes humans and the world so fascinating.
Society has its ‘rules’, and they change according to the era and place you live in. Most of us don’t fit happily in society’s rules, ie: get married, have kids, live in the suburbs, have a big house and car as symbols of success. Only some of us are really satisfied with this; many of us prefer different ways of life and living. We’re lucky to be living in an age when you, as an individual, can make your own choice about lifestyle. You just have to have the courage and understanding (of yourself) to do it without comparing yourself to others.
You’ve heard that ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ Well; it’s true. What you’re looking at and comparing may have nothing to do with the authentic you. You need silent time to hear your own inner voice and intuition.
So, get off social media as much as you can, especially as a young person, when your mind is still developing. The photos, videos, posts, you see only catch one moment in time (when things seem perfect; they’re not).
2)Unplug for a while: take a step back from social media.
I don’t know about you, but I can waste so much time on a social media feed, that gets me nowhere and may even make me feel stressed.
See if you can fast (from social media) for 24 hours. If you want to start smaller, start with one hour at a time. Not only do you feel more relaxed and positive about yourself and the world; you get a lot more done. Your productivity increases.
By the way, though you may think you’re less alone while scrolling, you’re not………..
Reach out to real people for connection.
3)Make time to let your mind wander……….
Many of us get uncomfortable with the thought of doing nothing. Some of us keep busy as a habit, others because we don’t want to delve inside.
Either way, just shut off the TV, your phone, computer, music, podcasts, even books. You can start by setting your timer for 5 minutes and just let your mind wander.
Find a comfy place to sit or lie down or stare out the window, if you prefer.
Let your mind go. Let your mind truly wander………..and see where it takes you. Don’t get discouraged or scared. It takes time for your mind to get used to this freedom and when it does, wow…do things change…
Not only will you start enjoying your own company, you may even hear your soul sing!
In my work as a Life & Mindset coach, I give my clients an exercise to do, called NTT: negative thought time & PTT: positive thought time. Be in touch to learn more.
4)Go out…..by yourself.
If you’re not comfortable with this, start slowly and with small steps. Start by going to a café alone. I do this often and many folks are by themselves; having a coffee or snack, working on their phones or laptops, reading a book or just looking around at people. It’s a wonderful way to take a break from your ‘normal’ environment. Personally, I find that I get a lot more done with less distractions than at home.
It also gives you a chance to see new people, unwind and have time to clear your mind and hear your own voice. When you can just sit quietly and enjoy this kind of self-care, you are on the way to being ‘comfortable in your own skin’ and there is nothing more important than this.
You can go out to eat or go to a movie or show. How about a meetup group? When you’re by yourself, you tend to be more open to meeting new people.
By the way, others don’t care or think about whether you’re alone or not. If you’re a nice and interesting person, they just want to get to know you.
5)Move!
I mean this literally; get physical!
Exercise helps release endorphins, the neurotransmitters in your brain that tend to make you feel happier.
You can take a walk outside (especially in nature), do morning stretches, or start by exercising just a few minutes/day and build up, over time. There are so many fun ways to move: swimming, weight training, sports, biking.
It’s also good practice being on your own, when you go to a gym.
6)Spend time in and with nature.
This is not just what people say……..it really makes a difference. You use all your senses and can, consciously, enjoy them! Take in the beauty of the sky, trees and flowers; hang out by the ocean, lake; smell the trees and flowers and feel the breeze on your face.
It has been shown that 30 minutes or more/week spent in nature can improve symptoms of depression and lower blood pressure. You can let go of your worries and give them over to nature, the mother of all. It helps you to find perspective.
So, get outside; walk barefoot on the grass or dirt and ground yourself, let yourself breathe and pause and enjoy the present moment, the only place to really feel peace and joy.
7)Enjoy the perks (and freedom) of being alone.
-you can do what YOU want, when you want it. You can take up the entire kitchen to create a delicious meal or your living room area as your art studio (as I do).
-you can spread out, as I do with my painting….
-dance: put on your favorite, upbeat music and go for it! Dance around the room, like no one’s watching…. because they’re not. You can even dance around naked; whatever you want to do, you can do.
8)Gratitude:
I have my coaching clients do 2 gratitude exercises right before sleep, when your mind becomes more suggestible. Tell yourself 3 things you’re grateful for; they can be small things, like: thanks for this bed, for the roof over my head, for my friends, family, etc.
Then, say 3 things you’re grateful for about yourself; ie: thank you for making me strong, kind, empathetic, courageous, etc.
When you’re grateful for what you have, more of it tends to come to you.
Reminder: What you focus on, grows.
9)Be Kind:
….to others and especially, with yourself. Be aware of harsh self-judgement and let it go. Let that negative inner critic go away and turn toward your more positive, aligned and intuitive inner voice.
Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend. Remind yourself of your wonderful qualities……………and you have plenty of them.
10)Self-Care:
A nice part of being alone is that you can focus on your self-care. This can mean taking a lavender (relaxing) bubble bath with candles, getting a massage, reading a good book, preparing yourself a delicious meal, and more…………just for you.
Self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary to keep you grounded, calmer and more content.
11)Stay Creative:
Are there things you’ve dreamed of doing and have put off? Well; now it’s time. No judgement involved. Just do what gives you joy!
Creativity does not necessarily mean art, though it can: painting, drawing, doodling, knitting, cooking, developing a new business plan, writing a book……………..you can use your creativity for many endeavors; it means thinking and doing, in new and original ways.
Try it, you’ll like (or love) it!
12)Improve your coping skills:
This is a good time to look inside and to figure out how you can respond to things in a more positive and helpful way. Look at all you’ve accomplished and how strong and resilient you’ve been. Give yourself credit and always give yourself ‘a pat on the back.’ This changes your mind, brain and body.
13)Change your Routine:
We can get into a rut and keep thinking and behaving in the same ways. This is a good time to figure out what can change; maybe you have to declutter your home, find a new café (one of my favorite things), go to more group events that interest you and meet new people.
Change it up! You’ll see that ‘when you change the dance (and steps), the dance (your life) changes.’
14)Social Connections:
You also want to be with other people, so spend some time with a friend, family member, hang out with your colleagues after work or join a group.
It’s always nice to call and reconnect with someone you haven’t been in touch with for a long time. Have a conversation.
It’s important to connect to yourself and to others. It improves your health………………
15)Take Care of your Health:
Your mental and emotional health affects your physical health and vice versa.
So, move, eat a balanced diet, get good, restful sleep, enjoy company and get down-time.
Make sure you get an annual physical and take other preventive measures: see your dentist twice/year (once a dentist, always a dentist), go for mammograms, colonoscopy, blood tests. If you’re not feeling quite right, your body knows. Go see the right person about it, whether it be physical, mental, emotional…………
Feel free to get my book about sleep @Kindle on Amazon: ‘Sleep Glorious Sleep’
16)Plan for the Future:
Where do you want to be in 1 year, in 5 years, 10 years, personally and professionally, and even physically?
Write this down. Get it out of your head and onto paper.
It’s important to be flexible here. Make general plans, while knowing that life chimes in, often the way IT wants to, not necessarily the way we’d want it to. Just go with it. Often, these surprises and twists and turns get us going on our ‘right’ and better path.
Revise these plans and goals every so often. Things happen; they change. You change. Keep it loose and don’t become attached to a specific outcome.
17)Don’t be afraid to ask for help:
If you can’t seem to shake feelings of extreme stress, anxiety, sadness or loneliness, it’s a good idea to reach out for professional help: a therapist, coach, somatic practitioner or your physician.
If you want referrals, DM me @drgigiarnaud on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
Change your Thoughts, Change your Mind, Change your World