10 Ways to Replace Negative Thoughts
In the last 2 blog posts, we’ve talked about becoming aware of negative thoughts. In this post, we’ll discuss how to work with or ‘replace’ these unhelpful thoughts with more helpful, more positive ones.
Let’s say it again; we all have negative thoughts and inner critics, originally there for survival. Our brains and minds haven’t yet caught up to the times, so now, when we have too many of these negative thoughts, we can get overwhelmed: mentally, emotionally and physically. Over time, they can even make us physically ill.
We can’t really get rid of these thoughts; they are part of the 6,000 or so thoughts we have daily. We can learn how to quiet the negative inner voice and replace these unhelpful thoughts, though. We want to replace them with more balanced, and helpful ones and take positive action.
If you find that these negative thoughts are causing overwhelming stress, anxiety or inaction, then it’s time to start doing the ‘work’ of observing them, separating these thoughts from you and replacing them.
As mentioned in the last two posts, these negative thoughts can take many forms (look at Cognitive Distortions: CD).
Over time, due to neuroplasticity, habitual negative thinking patterns wear a path in your brain (neural pathway). Our brains want to save effort and energy so they like creating these habits (and pathways). It saves energy.
These habits cannot be eradicated; only replaced. You have to go back to the beginning of the stimulus/response cycle and replace the current (habitual) response with a different one.
Professor Steve Peters coined the concept of inner ‘chimp.’ We all have one, a part of our subconscious, with us since birth. It stored our emotional memories and tries to help us avoid emotional pain. The chimp has its hand on the big red button of anxiety, ready and waiting with a catalog of negative thoughts.
The chimp pre-dated the development of our prefrontal cortex (logical minds), so it has cemented beliefs into our internal computers. It can take us over before our logical minds kick in.
Here are several ways to get your brain and mind to work for you and replace your negative and unhelpful thoughts:
1)Say STOP, STOP, STOP. As soon as you spot or become aware of your chimp, say “Stop,” out loud. Do it 3 times, with energy and effort. You’re observing your thoughts and telling the chimp how to behave.
For those of us who know what it’s like for our thoughts to be in a ‘spiral,’ the fast way to stop it is to say STOP (3 times) immediately. Don’t try to finish the thought; just STOP!
2)Journal/ Write your thoughts down. The truth is trying to push your thoughts away doesn’t work. What you resist, persists…
So, acknowledge your negative thoughts; you don’t want them buried. Writing your thought down; where it happened, why and who it happened with, can help you identify triggers, so that you can turn these negative thoughts around next time.
3)Be Kind & Gentle with yourself. Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend?”
Here is a simple exercise (MindTools) developed to help children to reframe cognitive distortions, teaching them to recognize “BLUE” thoughts: Blaming myself; Looking for the bad news; Unhappy guessing; and being Exaggeratedly negative. It also works for adults. You can turn those “BLUE” thoughts into true thoughts by imagining that your close friend has this problem. What would you say? You’d probably reassure them; right?
When you catch yourself thinking an unhelpful thought, ask yourself:
-Would I say this to a child?
-Would I say this out loud to someone else?
-Would I let someone speak that way to my child?
If you just imagine someone else’s face if they heard what you’re thinking, it can make a difference. It may help you shift your language to something kinder and more loving.
4)Breathe: Breathing is the basic of life; no breathing, no life…
You can use different breathing techniques to regain focus and connection of your body and mind. When I was a dentist, I used this 4-7-8 breathing technique with my patients and continue to use it now. You breathe in for 4 counts, hold the breath for 7 counts and slowly and strongly exhale for 8 counts. You’ll find your body and mind start to calm and your rational mind comes back online.
5)Find New Evidence: One of the first things I say to most of my clients is: “Don’t believe your thoughts.” The vast majority of them are just not true!
If you find yourself believing that your unhelpful thoughts are true, it’s time to find new evidence.
Set a timer on your phone. If you can, try it at the same time every day. When it goes off, name 5 things, preferably writing them down on paper, that you appreciate about yourself or the work you’ve done.
6)NTT (negative thought time) & PTT (positive thought time): This is an exercise I give to my clients.
Our brains have a ‘negativity bias’, meaning that we tend to focus more on the negative than the positive. Most of us will recognize this fact. In the past, this negativity bias helped us to survive. We were alert to danger. Though time has moved on, our brains haven’t that much……..so this negativity bias is still with us. Here’s an example: let’s say 5 good things happened today, 1 negative and 4 neutral. Guess which one your mind will focus on? Yup…..the negative one.
So, set a timer on your phone. Start with 5 minutes and work up to 10 minutes. For NTT and PTT, try the same time everyday. For the NTT, do it earlier in the day. Close your eyes and let your mind go. Let all the negative thoughts just come up and out. Let them repeat. Let them go wild. After the 5 or 10 minutes, you may want to write some of these thoughts down. You may start to recognize a pattern after a few times……….which will give you some good information.
Later in the day, take 5-10 minutes and do the same thing for PTT. See how long your mind focuses on positive thoughts……….you may be surprised at how hard it is to keep focusing on positive thoughts. Keep to it. It’s great training. Eventually, you will be able to focus more and more on what’s positive about you and your life.
This is a fabulous exercise. It shows you how your mind works and how to retrain it. When you can master your mind, you’re moving toward self-mastery, a noble and freeing goal.
7)Practice Self-Compassion: so many of us listen to our inner critics. Instead of listening and then, beating yourself up for harsh self-criticism, take a step back and recognize that your inner critic is (in a not-so pleasant way) trying to keep you safe by warning you of some possible danger that it perceives.
Though this may feel challenging, the next time self-criticism feels overwhelming, show compassion to your inner critic (and yourself), thanking it for trying to keep you safe.
8)Identify the call-to-action (PsychCentral): our unhelpful thoughts often contain hidden invitations for action. The call-to-action (CTA) journaling exercise can help you feel more empowered:
Create 2 columns: Unhelpful thought & Call-to-action
-“this is too hard.” “Who do I know that can help me do this?”
-“I made a massive mistake and “Whose mistake do I remember from last week, and
everyone saw it.” do I think less of them for it?”
-“Nobody likes me” “Who can I call right now, who makes me feel
accepted?”
Try to identify CTAs that are small, achievable baby steps. Setting major actions that take a lot of energy or time can be off-putting and might have the opposite effect.
9)Self-Acceptance: this is a tough one for many of us. Along with your negative or unhelpful thoughts, you may feel bad about having these thoughts; this creates a vicious cycle. You create a resistance to your present experience, which worsens your internal suffering. Remember, ‘what you resist, persists.’
So, surrender. If an unhelpful thought arises, just notice it. Take a pause. Try not to push it away. Allow it to be there……..
10)Coaching/Therapy: We know that much of our mindset gets programmed in our early childhood (0-7 years). Yet, you may not know what kind of messages drive your subconscious mind. It can help to find a trusted coach or therapist, to create a safe container and warm, caring place to talk about and express your feelings. They’re trained to find patterns that you may not be able to pick up on.
We all have negative and unhelpful thoughts, some of us more than others. Like other habits, the more you practice turning those thoughts around, the easier it becomes.
You have to be consistent and persistent for true transformation to occur. Practice these tips and exercises every day and, over time, you may be pleasantly surprised at how your inner dialogue changes.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS!
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
PS: if you’d like more information, have questions or want referrals, sign up for your free Clarity Call with me @www.gigiarnaud.com
Change your Thoughts, Change your Mind, Change your World