9 Tips toward Authenticity
Want to give yourself the greatest gift?……………Accept the Authentic YOU!
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” -------Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s holiday season and many are thinking about gifts to give to those we love.
Do you think of giving the most important person in your life……….YOU……..a gift?
No; it’s not a material gift, like a bike, a sweater or a tie. It’s a much more long-lasting one. It’s the gift of the awareness of and the acceptance of your authentic self, the essence of who you really are.
Here are some definitions of authentic (authenticity):
-of undisputed origin; genuine.
-true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you’re under to act otherwise.
-you’re honest with yourself and with others, and take responsibility for your life.
-your values, ideals, and actions align.
The truth is that so many of us are not sure about what or who our true or authentic self is……and this is not that surprising. We are born as our real self and then life chimes in and from 0-7 years, you absorb all that’s around you; the ideas, attitudes, ‘rules’ of your family, surroundings, schools, and community. These ideas or ‘rules’ are often buried in your subconscious mind and your body may be considered a representation of your subconscious mind. All that stuff is stored there and your body and mind then interact. I’m simplifying here……….
Since the primary job of your mind & body, is survival and safety, it will do anything to stay safe. This can mean appeasing and agreeing with caregivers, even when the caretaking is below optimum or avoiding feeling your real feelings for fear of not surviving. At 0-7 years, you have a child’s mind and find a way of avoiding pain and surviving, so you develop coping mechanisms to stay safe.
For many, after years of these habitual behaviors, which then become automatic, default and are buried in our subconscious mind, it’s hard to know which part of your thinking, belief and behavior patterns, is you and which part is others (ie: parents, community, institutions, etc.).
Over the years and centuries, there have been many discussions, philosophical and psychological, about how to get to one’s authenticity. Many thought it took some reflection and introspection and then, realized that we, as humans, aren’t so great at thinking or reflecting about ourselves in an unbiased way.
More recent research suggests that we may be better off looking at ‘feeling’ instead of ‘thinking.’ This has to do with the body/mind connection. In our western culture, we are not fabulous at ‘feeling’ as opposed to thinking and we know that thinking can often trick us.
No matter where you are in your life and at whatever stage, you can get ‘back to’ you; you can rediscover the real you and feel what’s ‘right’ for you, in the different aspects of your life.
9 TIPS & TOOLS for developing AUTHENTICITY:
1)Feel sensations, responses in your Body.
I like to start with the body because it stores our stress, anxiety and trauma. One could say that the body is the representation of the subconscious mind.
The mind can play tricks on us. We have thousands of thoughts per day and most of them are just not true. But our body does not lie, and it’s vital to learn how to feel it, hear it and listen to it.
There are many tools and exercises to use to learn how to stay in your body and connect your body to your mind. If you want more information, please go to www.gigiarnaud.com and sign up for blog posts and you can sign up for your free Clarity Call, to learn more about how to get to your authentic self.
2)Define and Appreciate your Strengths.
We all have strengths, gifts, and talents and it’s important to pay attention to things you’re good at AND that you enjoy or love using.
Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re good at organizing projects at work but don’t really enjoy it. You can look around to hand over this responsibility to someone else so that you can focus on this strength in the way you’ll also enjoy it.
3)Your VALUES.
Your values are your North Star. Your life, personal and professional, won’t feel right until it is aligned with your values.
To uncover and explore your values, you may want to recall a time in your life when all felt right in the world, when you felt truly alive. What made it feel this way, so special? By recalling these experiences, you may discover some key values of yours.
To be authentic, we must live our values. When we’re not, there is often a negative effect on several parts of our lives. This can be at work, in relationships and even, your mental health.
4)Internal vs. External Influence:
Some of our behaviors are due to our internal motivators. Others are more from external sources, like peers, societal norms and social groups.
It’s vital to establish your own goals and focus on taking steps to achieve them. Look more deeply into these. What do you really want to achieve? Is it more power, more money or a chance to coach and help others?
One way to do this is to be your own objective observer and pay attention to your internal self-talk. If you hear ‘should’ and ‘need to,’ these may be attached to your external influences.
Keep probing deeper still. What are your deep values? How does this goal connect to your life purpose(s)?
You may ask yourself, “I wonder what my next steps might be?” or “I wonder what more job or home or relationship satisfaction would look like for me?”
5)Be Aware of and Name your Emotion:
This step can be challenging for many (including me).
As human beings, we experience a large range of feelings and emotions. Part of the process of authenticity is to be able to name these more clearly. With this self-awareness, we get to know our core values, strengths, and actions. It helps us in our lives to notice when we’re experiencing emotions, not just peace and joy but also anger, sadness, frustration.
6)MINDFULNESS:
Practicing mindfulness to live in the present moment, where peace and joy are found, is vital to a healthy, balanced and joyful life.
Make time throughout each day for mindfulness and for self-reflection, so you can get to know your real self and accept and enjoy yourself for the wonderful, unique human you are.
Automatic writing can be a helpful tool to allow your subconscious mind to come forward and express what you’re really feeling inside. You put a pen to paper and keep writing (set your alarm for a few minutes) without picking up the pen or worrying about grammar, spelling and sentence structure. The idea here is to just ‘let it rip’! Write down whatever comes up; it may be anger, cursing, being kooky, whatever and however you feel, give yourself permission to let it all out. No self-judgement here. Tell your inner critic (we all have one) to keep quiet!
If you do this regularly, you may find patterns popping up and get hints about your values, ideas and what’s really important to you.
7)Face your FEARS:
Most of our thoughts are just not true and most of what we fear never comes to pass. Although we know this consciously or intellectually, our subconscious thoughts may not have gotten the memo.
If you’re feeling fearful with a goal, just chunk it down (break it down) into smaller goals and into small steps, that can be achieved little by little, step by step. You may want to get some help, support, encouragement and accountability for this process.
You want to live your fullest life, don’t you? So, face your fears, slowly, one by one and one small step at a time. That’s the way you move onward and forward and start taking action, for your dreams and desires. Don’t give up. Trust yourself!
As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
8)Social Support:
It’s wonderful to have people in your life with whom you can be the real, unfiltered version of you. It may be friends, colleagues, family, therapist, coach, etc. So, don’t let the stories your mind tells you (inner critic) interfere with your goals and desires. All of us are fearful when leaving our comfort zone but in order to learn and grow, we have to leave it and move forward.
In your personal life or at work, it’s helpful to have a friend or someone you trust, for job and overall satisfaction.
9)Take ACTION:
The way to change is to take regular action. Remember that goals or dreams are fine but if you don’t take action, they’re just fantasies.
Authenticity is a practice and takes time, dedication, patience and perseverance. Just take small, regular, daily actions that align with your values and over time, you’ll see a change and notice more peace and joy within when you’re in alignment with your true values and the authentic you. Congratulations!
We’ll continue discussing Authenticity in the next blog post. This is what people want the most…to align with who they really are, deep inside, what they want and why they’re here (purpose).
With smiles & love,
Dr Gigi
PS: BOOK your free Clarity Call before the end of 2023 @www.gigiarnaud.com and rediscover and realign with the AUTHENTIC you. This is the best GIFT you could ever give yourself………………..and others!
Change your Thoughts, Change your Mind, Change your World