7 Reasons why it can be Hard to be Authentic
We start out in life as who we are; open, curious, innocent….
We are part of a family, a home, a group and we start to be influenced by other people’s opinions and ‘rules.’ Since our brains are malleable (changeable) throughout our lives, we start to absorb what we’re taught, from our families, our teachers, our community, and this information gets stored in our subconscious mind (and in our body).
Since the primary role of our brain/mind is to keep us safe and surviving, we bend to what will allow us to survive in our own little world, even if it’s not in alignment with who we authentically are. These are coping or survival mechanisms, which are necessary for our survival but not always helpful for our thriving……particularly in adult life.
As we grow, we add layers to our experience and of how people think we should be and the ‘rules’ of our particular community and society. These get repeated and replayed and we may find our real selves disappearing, little by little. We often conform in order to feel safe and when we don’t, we may believe there is something wrong with us.
If, on top of this, you grow up in a home with less-than-optimal support for who you really are (which most of us do, whether it’s intentional or not) or experience trauma (large-T or small-trauma), then becoming your authentic self is even more challenging.
Here are 7 Reasons why it can be Hard to be Authentic:
This is not an exhaustive list.
1)Believing there’s something wrong with you and/or you’re not enough.
Many of us have these beliefs and there’s a reason. As mentioned earlier, we absorb the rules and conditioning of those around us in early life and this ‘conditioning’ continues throughout childhood: in schools, religious settings, society….
We all want to fit in and to do so, we cover up our most pure emotions and the pure us. Most of the time, we don’t even know that we’re doing this. So as time passes, it becomes harder and harder to really know who we are, deep inside.
Those around us have influenced us, told us how to behave, what to do and who we ‘should’ be. Again, because we want to fit in (social creatures) and stay safe, we agree, even if it’s not aligned to who we really are. This causes inner conflict and can give us the feeling that ‘we’re not good enough,’ or that there’s something wrong with us. I know that I felt this for a long time………….
There’s nothing wrong and you’re good enough. It’s just that the outside rules of your society may not agree with the inside of who you authentically are.
2)Society and the Status Quo.
When you’re in school, during your childhood and your teenage years, your hormones are flowing and you’re particularly vulnerable to peer influence and pressure. Though it’s ‘normal’ to question, and to express your creativity, the school system tends to like conformity and staying within the status quo. So, if you ask a lot of questions or are an independent thinker, you’re led to believe that you don’t fit in or that something is wrong with you.
There are some schools, ie: Montessori, where the individual person and his/her way of learning, is more taken into account and appreciated.
Trauma understanding is also necessary to understand kids in the school system. If not, these kids may grow up to not understand or like themselves and to be labeled. This can get them going down the wrong path.
3)Fears.
You know the expression, ‘Face the fear and do it anyway?’ It’s true and it’s always hard to do when you’re not sure who you really are, and you have the pressure of having to choose a career path, get a degree or not, etc. Perhaps you’re afraid of not being able to support yourself or to pay back your student loans.
These pressures can lead you further away from your authentic path; they are also understandable.
We do have to make a living to afford food, shelter and more.
I live in NYC and the fear of not making enough here is real.
This is a reason why many folks choose more lucrative jobs or careers, though they may not be aligned with who they are and also, why many folks stay in careers they dislike or hate. There is a balance…..
4)Guilt & other Feelings.
Let’s say that you didn’t or weren’t able to follow your authentic path and you’re in a career or business where you’re not totally happy.
Then a feeling of ‘guilt’ and other feelings, may arise that you’re ungrateful for having a job and source of income when others around you may not. You push away these feelings because you don’t want to seem or act ungrateful.
To come into alignment with the authentic you and your right path, personally and professionally, you must start to listen and then hear, your feelings; the sensations and hints in your body (gut) and then, in your mind. If you don’t, there is an inner conflict between your true feelings and how you think you ‘should’ be feeling. It’s very hard to live your best and authentic life if you’re having these feelings.
5)Self-Acceptance:
To really accept yourself, as you are right now, you must accept all sides and facets of yourself: the good, the bad and the ugly; flaws, faults and farts.
You can always change. Our brains are malleable (changeable). But you must be tolerant and accept who you are in this moment, so that you can start seeing the real you, often buried deep down inside. If you can’t accept who you truly are, right now, it will be hard to live an authentic life.
6)Professional Honesty:
Often, in our careers, we’re afraid to show our more vulnerable sides and what we know and what we need help with. If you’re comfortable with yourself and accepting of who you are, it will be easier for those around you to accept you and themselves.
You can ask yourself, ‘Am I working for people who support me, empower me, see my greatness?’
Again, you must see your greatness first before others will feel it. Now, it’s time to live up to your full potential!
7)Honor Yourself.
When we’re in a family, in a relationship or at work, we often have to compromise. This doesn’t mean giving up and ignoring who you are. For many women, this can be tricky. We tend to dedicate, serve and empower others, only to forget ourselves and who we are. Woman or man, you can never compromise who you really are. It will always want to come through.
It’s vital to honor yourself as much as you honor and respect others.
One of the reasons that travel is so fascinating and that the world is so beautiful and interesting, is that each of us is unique. We are here with our special skills, talents and gift and we must share them with the world.
The greatest gift you can give to yourself, others and the world is to re-discover and to be your most authentic, amazing self. You’re here for a reason and we, the world, need what you have to offer.
“A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply because you’re not living in alignment; you’re not being true to yourself.” -----Steve Maraboli
Here is a quote that I certainly relate to and you may, too.
“The greatest challenge in life is to be our own person and accept that being different is a blessing and not a curse. A person who knows who they are lives a simple life by eliminating from their orbit anything that does not align with his or her overriding purpose and values. A person must be selective with their time and energy because both elements of life are limited.” ---Kilroy J. Oldster
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
PS: Are you having challenges becoming and living as the authentic you?
Feel free to be in touch @www.gigiarnaud.com
Change your Thoughts, Change your Mind, Change your World