Whose HAPPINESS is it Anyway?
“This is what WE want for you.” Have you ever heard these words? From your parents, your community, your society?
Oftentimes, we don’t hear these exact words but we do hear something similar and we understand the meaning and emotion behind them. It’s often at a subconscious level and it stays and sits with you.
The HAPPINESS You Really Want May Not Actually Come from YOU
Happiness is a pursuit that drives many of our choices in life. We often think of happiness as a personal journey, a quest for individual fulfillment. However, what if the happiness we seek is not intrinsically ours? What if it has been shaped and molded by the desires and expectations of those around us since childhood? This post explores the idea that the happiness we strive for may not originate from within, but rather from the influences of parents, institutions, communities, and society at large.
HAPPINESS You Inherit & the EARLY INFLUENCES on Your Happiness
Initially, most of us take on a definition of happiness that comes from others: parents, friends and the media. We inherit it unconsciously, absorbing our family, community and cultural ‘norms’ and ‘rules,’ from infancy. Most of us never really take the time to examine the ‘rules’ we’ve inherited. Have you? I certainly didn’t, not for many decades……..
I spent years feeling sad, stuck and struggling until I, finally, looked within and at my deeper, subconscious thoughts, beliefs and patterns that were really running and often, ruining my life, personal and professional.
The EARLY INFLUENCES on your Happiness
From a young age, we are surrounded by people and systems that shape our beliefs, desires, and ultimately, our understanding of happiness. Parents often instill values and expectations that can dictate what we believe will make us happy. For instance, a parent who values academic achievement may encourage their child to pursue high grades, equating success with happiness. In this scenario, the child may grow up believing that happiness is defined by academic accolades and achievement rather than personal passion, purpose and joy.
Institutions such as schools and religious organizations further contribute to this conditioning. They often promote specific ideals about success, morality, and happiness that may not align with an individual's true self. For example, a school that prioritizes competitive sports might lead students to equate their worth and happiness with athletic performance, sidelining other interests, priorities and passions they may have.
Moreover, community and societal norms play a significant role in shaping our desires. Cultural expectations around career paths, relationships, and lifestyle choices can pressure individuals to conform to a mold that doesn’t resonate with their authentic selves. The desire to fit in and be accepted can lead us to pursue a version of happiness that is dictated by external standards rather than our internal values.
The DANGERS of External Validation
When we anchor our happiness to external validation—be it through careers, relationships, or social status—we risk losing touch with our true selves. The pursuit of a happiness that is not genuinely ours can lead to feelings of emptiness, sadness, anxiety, dissatisfaction and inner conflict. Many people find themselves in successful careers or relationships that society deems desirable, yet they feel unfulfilled and unhappy. This disconnection often stems from a lack of alignment between our external pursuits and our true internal desires.
Furthermore, constantly seeking approval from others can create a cycle of dependence on external validation. When our self-worth is tied to the opinions and expectations of others, we may feel anxious about our choices, worried that we will not meet the standards set by our parents, peers, or society. This anxiety can lead to a perpetual state of dissatisfaction, as it becomes nearly impossible to please everyone.
REDISCOVERING Your AUTHENTIC Happiness
Recognizing that the happiness you seek may not originate from within you is the first step toward reclaiming your authentic self. Here are some strategies to help you reconnect with your true desires:
Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your values, purpose(s), interests, priorities and passions. Journaling, mindfulness and meditation can be helpful tools to explore what genuinely brings you joy, separate from external influences.
Mindfulness Practices: Engaging in mindfulness can help quiet the noise of external expectations. Practices like meditation, yoga, or simply spending time in nature can foster a deeper connection to your inner self……….and your inner voice.
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to expectations that do not align with your true desires. This may involve reassessing relationships and commitments that drain your energy or lead you away from your authentic happiness.
Seek Support: Consider talking to a coach, therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the complexities of your feelings about happiness and self-worth. They can provide tools and insights to help you break free from societal conditioning.
Embrace Change: Understand that it’s okay to change your mind about what makes you happy. Life is a journey, and your desires may evolve over time. Embrace this fluidity and allow yourself the flexibility and freedom to explore new paths.
CONCLUSION
The happiness you truly want may not come from within, but rather from a tapestry of influences that have shaped your desires throughout your life. By acknowledging these influences, reflecting on your authentic self, and taking steps and action to realign your pursuits with your true values and with what brings you joy, you can begin to uncover a deeper, more fulfilling sense of happiness. Remember, happiness is not a destination; it’s a personal journey that requires self-exploration and courage to break free from the molds imposed by others. Embrace your individuality and pursue the happiness that resonates with the REAL YOU.
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Dr Gigi Arnaud Coaching: Life Coach NYC, Mindset Coach, Hypnotherapist, Speaker