It’s Time to Talk About SHAME………and How to Get to FREEDOM & INNER PEACE
What is a Shame Spiral?
A shame spiral is an internal loop of self-critical thoughts and painful emotions triggered by a perceived failure, mistake, or inadequacy. It’s not just feeling guilty about an action — it’s feeling like you, as a person, are wrong or broken.
It often starts like this:
A mistake or vulnerability happens.
You feel exposed or flawed.
The inner critic kicks in: “I’m not good enough. I’m a failure. What’s wrong with me?”
This creates more shame, and the loop continues, pulling you deeper.
This spiral doesn’t just affect your mood — it affects your relationships, self-worth, confidence, and how you show up in the world.
Shame as a Core Wound & Underlying Emotion
Shame is often a core wound---meaning it was internalized early, typically in childhood, and tied to the belief that we are fundamentally unworthy of love, belonging, or acceptance.
Core shame is different from fleeting embarrassment or guilt. It’s the foundational belief that "I am inherently unworthy of love, belonging, or acceptance."
This wound often forms early in life and can come from:
Critical or emotionally unavailable caregivers (repeated criticism or neglect)
Conditional love or approval (as opposed to unconditional love)
Being shamed for feelings or needs
Trauma, neglect or abuse
Societal conditioning around identity, body, success, etc.
Cultural, religious, or societal messaging that who you are is "not enough."
It becomes the emotional undercurrent driving thoughts, behaviors, and relationships----often invisibly. It becomes the invisible lens you see yourself through, affecting your identity, even if you don’t realize it.
You may seek perfection, control, people-pleasing, or achievement to cover it up. Or you might self-sabotage because deep down, you believe you don’t deserve good things.
How to Become Aware of Shame
Shame is sneaky. It hides beneath perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, emotional numbness, and even anger or arrogance.
To recognize it, you can:
Notice your inner dialogue. Harsh, self-critical thoughts often point to underlying shame.
Pay attention to physical signals/body cues. Shame often shows up as slumped posture, heat in the face, a desire to hide or disappear.
Notice & Track emotional triggers. Do certain situations leave you feeling "not good enough"? That's a clue. Ask: “When do I feel small, unworthy, or like hiding? Common triggers are mistakes, judgement, conflict, vulnerability, or unmet expectations.
Look for patterns. Repetitive behavior like pushing people away, over-apologizing, or never feeling "ready" may stem from shame.
Track the Inner Dialogue:
Shame has a voice------it’s harsh, critical, black-and-white, all or nothing. It says things like:
-“You’re too much.”
-“You’re not enough.”
-“You’ll be rejected if they see the real you.”
How to Accept & Heal Shame… Without Judgment
This part is key.
You can’t heal shame by fighting it or pushing it away. You heal it by bringing it into the light with compassion.
Try this:
Pause when you feel triggered. Breathe.
Acknowledge: "This is shame. It’s trying to protect me."
Name it without identifying with it: "I feel shame" vs. "I am ashamed."
Get curious: "Where did this story about myself come from? Whose voice is that in my head?"
As Brené Brown says: “If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow — secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you douse it with empathy, it can't survive.”
Steps Toward Wholeness
Healing shame is a process of reconnection — with yourself, your worth, and your inner child. Some paths to healing include:
1)Name it to Tame It:
When you feel the SHAME SPIRAL starting, pause and say:
“This is shame. I’m in a shame spiral right now.”
Naming it helps you step out of identification and into OBSERVATION. It’s no longer WHO you are-----it’s something you’re experiencing.
2)PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION:
Speak to yourself like you would to a beloved friend or child:
-“It’s okay to feel this.”
-“You are still worthy, even when you mess up.”
-“You are human.”
Self-compassion disarms shame’s power. It meets the wound with the love it never got.
3)Inner Child Work/Reparent Your Inner Child
Shame often belongs to a younger part of you.
When you feel shame, ask:
-“What age is this part of me?”
-“What did I need to hear or feel that I didn’t?”
Then, give it to them (you) now. Through visualization, journaling, or simply being with the feeling, you can give that part the nurturance it missed. Revisit the wounded part of you that first learned to feel unworthy. Reparent them with love, safety and affirmation.
You may even want to give them (yourself) a hug. It feels good and you’re showing the younger you that you deserve to be loved, are lovable, loved and loving.
MORE………….
Self-Compassion Practices
Practice speaking to yourself as you would to a beloved friend. Kindness, not cruelty, rewires the shame loop.Somatic Healing
Shame lives in the body. Use practices like breathwork, movement, tapping (EFT), trauma-informed therapy, somatic therapy and more, to release it.Share Your Shame in Safe Spaces/Express & Release
Shame thrives in secrecy. When shared with someone safe and nonjudgmental, its power dissolves. Unspoken shame festers. Express it in safe ways:
-Journaling (“I feel ashamed because…….”)
-Speaking to a trusted friend, therapist, coach or support group
-Creative expression (art, music, poetry, etc.)
REMINDER:
Shame thrives in silence and dies in safe connection.
Challenge Your Belief Systems
Ask: Who benefits from me believing I’m not enough? Often, cultural and societal messages reinforce shame to maintain control. Naming this helps break its spell.Rewrite the Narrative
Shame says, “You’re broken.” Healing says, “You were hurt, and you adapted (coping/survival mechanisms). Now you’re choosing to heal.” Give yourself a ‘pat on the back,’ or many….
Ask:
-What is the truth underneath this shame story?
-What do I want to believe about myself instead?
It’s a good idea to get help: a coach, therapist, somatic therapist, to partner with you through this journey in a safe space.
You’re not erasing the past; you’re reclaiming your power to reframe it.
Affirm Your Worth Daily
Use affirmations that affirm your inherent value:
“I am worthy of love and belonging.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“My mistakes do not define me.”
The Other Side of Shame
THOUGHTS:
Healing shame isn’t about “getting rid” of it. It’s about recognizing it, meeting it with gentleness and compassion and integrating it as a part of your story-------not your identity.
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. Healing shame is not about perfection.
It’s about giving yourself permission to be human — messy, real, growing — and worthy of love all the same.
Your shame doesn’t make you broken or crazy or odd----it’s a sign that you’re human, and that there’s something inside you longing to be seen, heard, loved and accepted…. just the way you are.
When you begin to heal shame, you reclaim your voice, your confidence, your aliveness. You become more emotionally resilient, more connected, and more YOU — unfiltered and free.
YOU BE YOU! I can’t wait to meet you……….
With smiles & love,
Dr Gigi
PS: If you recognize yourself in a SHAME spiral or that you have some or many of these signs of shame, I’m here for you. This is a core wound that many of us have (me included) and it’s worth recognizing, accepting, integrating and healing………so that you can get to your FREEDOM & INNER PEACE.
It’s worth it. You’re worth it!
SCHEDULE your Clarity call @gigiarnaud.com
and start or continue the journey back to the real, beautiful, unique and loved YOU…..with Coaching & Hypnosis!