Breaking the Chains…..of Intergenerational Trauma: Part 1
In the last 2 blog posts, we’ve started to discuss intergenerational (or transgenerational) trauma and some of the signs and effects it can have on us………….and on generations to follow.
In the Jewish liturgy, there is an expression that pops up: “Mee dor l’dor” (transliterated from the Hebrew), which means ‘from generation to generation.’ It seems that the good and the not as good, gets handed down from generation to generation. Part of the not so good is: intergenerational trauma.
But…….even with intergenerational trauma, there is good. You, usually, become more compassionate and understanding of the suffering of other people and, you may also develop more resilience, a good and helpful quality for life. You can have the most important role of all……to break the chain of this trauma. Emotional healing is possible…and, though it can follow a ‘rollercoaster ride’ path (lots of ups and downs), it can shift your way of thinking and subsequently, your behaviors, actions…..and your destiny.
UNDERSTANDING INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA:
Have you heard people say, “This runs in my family” or “this has been passed down from generation to generation?.” As we mentioned above, both the helpful and the challenging can be passed down through the generations, a transmission called transgenerational or intergenerational trauma.
This involves the response and the subsequent impacts, of a devastating, distressing or disturbing event or events. Harmful results of trauma experienced by a relative(s) of a cultural group in the past can impact generations to come.
MY HERSTORY:
To get a bit personal, I have struggled with intergenerational trauma my entire life. I just didn’t know it and certainly, didn’t know what it’s called. My parents were both French Jews, from Paris, who had to hide for their lives, during WWII and the Holocaust (Shoa). To be honest, there was way too much deep sadness, anger and rage, within our house. It was loud, chaotic, based on fear, constant emergency situations (mentally ill relatives) and lots of screaming and fighting.
As a child, I loved the French and European culture (French, Austrian, etc.) that made our suburban home different from others in the Long Island, NY, neighborhood we lived in. I also knew that something wasn’t right about the way my family reacted to situations. There were not many lulls, for calm and peace. My parents, brother and I, all had dysregulated nervous systems. For a long time, it (consciously) felt like ‘normal’ to me….but, it wasn’t ‘normal’ at all. It’s amazing how children will adapt to their environment: physical, mental, emotional……..in order to survive and to be loved. That’s exactly what our minds do……they adapt to our ‘normalcy,’ which feels safe or familiar (though may not be ‘normal’).
When I was 35 years old, I was chosen to be in a play (as an actor), aptly named, “Children Of….”. All 14 of us were children of Holocaust survivors, who were from different countries with differing experiences. I was pregnant with my son, so this was ‘perfect timing.’ (remember “mee dor l’dor”).
This particular theatre experience was a cathartic as well as a learning experience. Believe it or not, up to this point, I didn’t think of my folks as Holocaust survivors. I knew they were ‘hidden children’ as French-Jewish children hiding for their lives, but, when I was growing up in the USA, we didn’t (as a society) talk much about it. We also didn’t talk about ‘trauma.’ We just lived with it-----------and suffered!
I suffered for several decades (most of my life) with OCD (an anxiety disorder) and other anxiety and, at times, low-level depression. I can’t even count the number of therapists, coaches, courses and books, that I went through, in order to comprehend how I could be so high-functioning on the outside (ie: dentist, dental practice owner, mostly single mom, etc.) and so sad (low-level depression) and constantly nervous and stressed on the inside. Please be aware that there are many, many people who go through this. So, have empathy and be kind!
It has taken me a lifetime of challenges, difficulties and working through my (hidden, developmental) trauma. I can now say that it’s worth the work…….and it’s a lot. There has been a large shift. For the first time in my life, I feel somewhat at peace (inner). I go more with the flow now and I’ve slowed down and let myself just be……….
I’m still a ‘doer;’ I just forgive myself faster when I make a step backward (which we will do as humans) and I allow myself (finally) to feel all my feelings….the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve learned that you’ve got to ‘feel it to heal it.’
Back to: UNDERSTANDING & HEALING INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA:
Here are some of the EFFECTS & EXAMPLES of Intergenerational Trauma:
According to betterhelp, individuals, families, and groups affected by the trauma of an ancestor (or a group of ancestors) can experience emotional, physical and cognitive reactions, anxiety disorders and traumatic stress. Reactions to trauma may include anger, fear, sadness, shame, a lack of emotions, high-rise behavior, Substance Use Disorder, eating disorders, or learned helplessness (inability to control the personal environment or feeling unequipped to take action), among other post-traumatic effects like an anxiety disorder.
Younger generations may also experience trauma-related physical health issues; sleep disorders or gastrointestinal issues (such as chronic stomach pain, IBS) are just two examples. Cognitive effects related to thinking or reasoning may linger for generations after trauma. For instance, a person might incorrectly think safe situations are dangerous, experience intrusive thoughts about the trauma, or be distrustful of everything. These effects can be healed with the help of good therapy, or coaching (particularly with experience with trauma), and more.
HISTORICAL TRAUMA:
This is sometimes called collective trauma or cultural trauma and is a type of intergenerational trauma experienced by a specific cultural group that has been systematically oppressed or harmed. The traumatic past of a group of adults can continue to impact descendants in the present and future. Examples of cultural groups who may experience traumatic stress and effects for generations include: Holocaust survivors, descendants of slaves, prisoners of war and displaced First People or indigenous groups (ie: Native Americans). This list is not exhaustive……..unfortunately.
HEALING:
Understanding and intervening in trauma that spans generations is crucial to help everyone heal from past harm, empower those living in the present, break free from the cycle for their mental wellness, and disrupt the harmful cycle so that the effects of trauma aren’t passed on to future generations.
Various types of therapy, coaching, somatic work, can help.
Family therapy can also be helpful. Of course, individual family members can look at the trauma in the context of the family and culture and learn to allow (and permit) themselves to focus on self, to heal, to manage traumatic stress, and to separate themselves from the trauma of previous generations.
Culturally responsive therapy can be effective. This is culturally sensitive and focuses on an individual’s and group’s strengths and resourcefulness.
Another option is medications, for those experiencing more severe symptoms, like PTSD or complex-PTSD. Some of the meds just take the edge off, so that healing is less stressful…………..
If you’re not thinking about therapy, you can utilize strategies and activities to strengthen your mind and thought habits.
Social connection can help as isolation can be harmful to your emotional health. With intergenerational trauma, building meaningful connections with people outside of your family can offer a sense of support. Having these other relationships also give you new and different perspectives on how others cope with problems (preferably those with healthy, regulated nervous systems and responses).
Build positive connections: join a support group, volunteer, forge friendships and do things that bring you joy within groups (ie: Meetup, InterNations, singing groups, spiritual groups, etc.)
Self-care is something I recommend to my Life & Mindset Coach clients. Get regular and restful sleep to help with emotional regulation.
Exercise releases endorphins (good hormones) to fuel positive feelings and sensations.
Deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, grounding are all soothing and can offer you a respite from negative thoughts and feelings related to trauma.
Expressing gratitude is always important and helps us to see the good, with a decreased focus on the negative.
Setting boundaries is vital and is another form of self-care.
Building resilience helps with all mental health (and everyday life) issues. It helps us adapt in the face of difficulties. Learning from the past, from what impacted us negatively, can help us figure out how to move forward in a helpful, productive and strong way.
Positive self-talk…. about your personal strengths, gifts, talents, traits (which we all have) can help with resilience. An optimistic outlook helps, too.
If you’re feeling challenged with any of the above, please contact me, for information, suggestions and/or referrals, @www.gigiarnaud.com or at the social media sites below @drgigiarnaud
In the next blog post, we will go a bit deeper into HEALING & SUPPORTING those living with transgenerational trauma.
Please talk up, reach out; no more hiding, shame and beating yourself up. You deserve so much more. You are worthy and you’re enough, just as you are!
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
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