EMOTIONALLY OVERWHELMED? TRIGGERED? The 90-second RULE & Learning SELF-CONTROL
We’ve all had the experience of a person or event setting us off. It may be some bad news, a rude comment or an unexpected problem or inconvenience. You get triggered by a thought or by an external event and this triggers a chemical reaction in your brain.
According to neuroscientist, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, who developed the concept of the 90-second rule, your initial physiologic and chemical response to an emotional trigger lasts about 90 seconds unless you mentally keep it alive. She also describes our ability to regulate this neurological process.
90 seconds may not seem like a long time, but when you’re in the midst of an emotion, particularly a strong or chronic one, it may feel like a very long time. This technique can be quite helpful to help you regulate emotions, prevent stress from becoming chronic and it restores calm to your system.
There is science behind this rule and a reason why rumination traps you in emotional circles. There is a way to let go of an emotion before it turns into a mood.
It seems that we have the power to choose moment by moment, how we want to be in the world. We have to learn what to do; in other words, how to self-regulate when our survival brain circuitry washes over us.
When you react to a situation, you make the choice to do so, though it may not seem like it. It may be an unconscious choice.
This is HOW the 90-seond Rule works & a way for you to regain SELF-CONTROL:
1)There is an initial trigger and an initial neurochemical surge throughout your body. Your brain detects some sort of threat, whether a physical danger or a snub from a coworker. Your body releases adrenaline and nor-adrenaline and your “fight or flight” response kicks in. Your heart beats faster, your breathing becomes more shallow and your muscles tense.
2)The 90-second window: this chemical wave begins and fades in under 90 seconds. If you observe your feelings and sensations without adding new thoughts, your body’s stress response completes its natural cycle.
3)The choice now becomes yours, unconscious or not.
If you’re still feeling stress or are upset after those 90 seconds, it’s because your mind is ruminating or mentally replaying the event, the snub, which then triggers a new wave of stress neurochemicals.
4)Once the 90-second surge passes, you can step out of this chemical and emotional loop or continue it.
In other words, emotions only last 90 seconds unless we keep fueling them. So, breathe deeply, use the butterfly hug (explained later on), shake yourself out or look at a watch or clock for 90 seconds. Then breathe and watch your emotion pass…….
How to RESET your EMOTIONAL STATE:
Once you’re aware that you’re triggered and you feel your body tense or your heart beating faster or a rise of emotion, then
1)PAUSE, BREATHE DEEPLY & Observe (first 20 seconds) You can do: 4,7, 8 breathing technique: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), the ‘rest and digest’ system which helps to relax your body after stress and supports digestion. Focus on the physiological changes.
You can also do the BUTTERFLY HUG, which is my favorite to quiet my body and decrease stress. You lock your thumbs together and then put them on your chest (butterfly shape). Right hand to the left side of your chest and left hand on the right side. You start gently and rhythmically tapping one side at a time on your chest, then the other side and continue until you feel your shoulders relax, along with the rest of your body. This is called BILATERAL STIMULATION and also helps to connect the right and left hemispheres of your brain.
2)NAME the Feeling (10 seconds). Label your current emotion: “I feel anxious,” “I feel frustrated”…….When you name it, it reduces its intensity and gives you power over it instead of it controlling you.
3)CHOOSE how you want to FEEL (20 seconds). Choose a mood: confident, calm, joyful…Say it out loud or in your mind. Then claim this feeling and mood.
4)VISUALIZE the Change (20 seconds). Visualize yourself walking into a room or place with your new, chosen mood. What’s your energy like, your posture, your way of speaking? Stay with this picture and let it settle.
5)SMILE and MOVE AROUND (20 seconds). Smile; it helps stimulate your vagus nerve, part of the PNS, which allows your body to calm, rest and digest. Do a quick reset of your body. Shake out tension and stress, roll your shoulders, dance around or stretch. Focus on your body. Breathe deeply. Moving around helps to support the emotional shift.
This may sound like a lot to do, especially when you’re emotionally triggered. You can simplify by looking at a clock or watch for 90 seconds while breathing deeply and then, starting to visualize your new mood or emotional shift and moving around.
You can do this whether at work, at home, at social events or at holiday tables. You may even want to take ‘preventive’ measures when you know you may be triggered by:
-shaking yourself out, breathing and visualizing before a work meeting or family gathering.
-breathe, move and smile when you’re shifting from ‘work’ mode to ‘home’ mode.
-for a social event, you can enter with curiosity, warmth and a smile.
Becoming aware of when you’re triggered and your mood and physiologic state in your body change------ will help you to go into your body first. Then, you can follow through these different steps so that you don’t become emotionally overwhelmed and you learn how to shift your body, your energy and your mood.
It’s not as complex as we think. You just need 90 seconds and to be intentional about it. Your emotion will pass and shift in 90 seconds if you don’t add anything else to it, like ruminating thoughts and stressed physical energy.
Try this 90-second RULE and let me know how it helps you……….
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With smiles & love,
Dr Gigi
PS: Happy Holidays!!!