Indecisiveness: 10 Methods to Help you Make Decisions

 If you experience indecisiveness, you’re not alone. Making decisions can be a constant source of stress and anxiety. Whether it’s a major decision, like choosing a career or a life partner, or a minor decision, such as what to wear that day, being indecisive can significantly impact your life.

Struggling with indecision can be like being stuck in the mud; it’s not fun. Psychologist and philosopher William James said, “There is not a more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision.” Can you relate?

This blog post is similar to two that I wrote a while ago. I’ve collated the two and added more and pertinent information. This is an important subject and one that I’ve been asked about often. If you should have any questions or suggestions, please be in touch @www.gigiarnaud.com

WHAT CAUSES INDECISIVENESS?

There are many factors that can cause difficulty in making decisions, such as lack of confidence or lack of information or a fear of failure or fear of success. Indecisiveness can also be a symptom of mental health conditions, such as ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and depression. You may worry what other people will think about you. Perfectionism may be getting in your way.

-FEAR OF FAILURE:  Indecisiveness can be a learned behavior. If you’re raised in an environment where decision making is seen as an opportunity to learn and grow, then you’re probably more comfortable making choices.

If you’re raised in a home where a parent criticizes you for making a poor decision, you may avoid making decisions for fear of being seen as a failure. These fears may carry into adulthood and lead to indecisiveness as an unconscious coping strategy. The stress and anxiety associated with making decisions leads to an avoidance of them, both small and large.

In this way, decision making can have a negative impact on your self-worth. A ‘good’ decision increases self-worth, whereas a ‘bad’ decision leads to self-criticism.

The mere thought of making a decision can be paralyzing. So, you tend to default to the relative safety of indecision.

-PERFECTIONISM: which can lead to health problems, including: depression, anxiety, burnout. This occurs when you categorize your decisions as ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’ (The truth is that a ‘wrong’ decision may teach you more than a ‘right’ one and may lead you in your ‘right’ direction).

I know this one very well. It can make life challenging and the definition of your success hard to attain. It may also be related to parental or authority figures who were critical or who didn’t show you real, unconditional love and positive attention.

You may feel that, in order to prove that you’re lovable, you feel that you must accomplish or achieve various goals and you want to do them………….perfectly (whatever that means). The hard truth is that perfectionism is not achievable because we humans are not and are not meant to be, perfect. We are perfectly imperfect human beings (not human ‘doings’).

Being indecisive isn’t always bad. Sometimes, hesitation gives you some valuable time to think about the situation and to gather more needed information and weigh the facts. The important thing is to not let indecision keep you forever stuck.

-PARENTAL AND FAMILY INFLUENCE: the root of your indecision may go back to your early, formative years and parental/family influence and sometimes, trauma.

-PEOPLE PLEASING: if you’re constantly worrying about what others think, you may be continuously struggling internally between one choice (what you want) and another choice (what others want).

-LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE: Focus on what matters. Don’t get lost in the details and get overwhelmed. Don’t lose sight of your real goals, intentions and dreams.

-LACK OF CONFIDENCE: if you feel insecure, you may be able to choose the ‘right’ decision but may have trouble sticking to it. Self-doubt may even mean you procrastinate.

-LACK OF INFORMATION/KNOWLEDGE: this is more due to circumstances than to your internal environment. You must have enough information on whatever the subject is that you need to decide on.

-ABOULOMANIA: this is a mental disorder, when a person shows signs of pathological indecision. It becomes an obsession and severely affects their daily lives. This is diagnosable, so you can get professional help.

-A SYMPTOM OF A MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION: indecisiveness may be a symptom of: major depressive disorder, ADHD, stress, anxiety, dependent personality disorder, Alzheimer’s disease and childhood trauma.

WHAT ARE THE DOWNSIDES?

If indecision lasts too long, it becomes a problem. How long is too long depends on the situation and circumstances.

Also, you’ve heard it said that ‘not making a decision is a decision.’  In this way, indecision can become decision by default. If you decide not to decide, you’re giving up your power of choice. Someone else may get your dream home or your job….

Though making decisions may be difficult, the good news is that, like any skill, you can learn it and `get better at it with practice and time. There are some effective methods that can help with decision making……

Here are 10 Methods that can help you become more decisive: (PsychCentral):

1)Make decisions for yourself (your own decisions):

This is an important one. When we’re feeling indecisive, we’ll often reach out to someone, ie: friend, partner, family member, to get their input. The problem with this is that YOUR decision will be based on their input, in other words, them (not you). When you ask others, you ultimately get even more confused.

The thing is to learn to listen and to hear your own intuition! Who else can really give you the correct answers on what’s best for you……….besides you?

2)Develop self-confidence:

Let’s say you’ve listened to your intuition and made a decision or choice. The next and vital step is then, to have the confidence to trust your intuition. You can learn and practice this over time. Once you develop this confidence in yourself and your decision-making abilities, you’ll find it easier to make and stick to decisions.

3)Let it go…..

The fear that comes with worrying about making the ‘wrong’ decision, can feel overwhelming and paralyzing.

Once you understand that ‘mistakes’ are a part of life (and needed for learning lessons), and that things are not always in your control, decision-making will become easier and much less threatening.

4)Narrow it Down:

Often in this present-day world, filled with lots and lots and lots of choices………a vast variety of options, you’ve got to take a practical, even surgical approach to making decisions.

Let’s say you have 10 options. First, narrow down your selections to 3 options, mostly by listening to your ‘body’ (intuitive hits) and just slice out the other 7. Don’t question yourself.

Then, do the same ‘body listening’ for these last 3 and pick the one that resonates with you (even if it’s not the most seemingly logical or practical choice).

Remember, there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong. Just pick one and see what it brings you and where it leads you……

5)Outline the Pros and Cons:

Go the old-fashioned way and write out a simple pro/con list. You must WRITE it down! Get it out of your head; continuous mental weighing of the pros and cons simply adds to the indecisiveness.

6)Choose someone who can act as a sounding board:

There are times when you’re really stuck, stumped, arggghh…..

Ask a supportive friend or partner…….to listen, encourage and sometimes, weigh in.

7)Talk it Out:

When we voice our fears and choices and speak them out loud, it helps get rid of our indecision and internal conflict.

You can try voicing what you think out loud to a supportive, non-judgmental friend or partner, and, in this way, your decisions are less confusing and worrisome. Try it!

8)Flip a Coin:

Clearly, this method is not to be used for major life decisions, like marriage, but for something simple, it works.

The truth is that if you flip a coin and it lands the ‘wrong’ way, your reaction will reveal what you truly want.

9)Do not question your final decision:

You’ve made the decision. Now, avoid second-guessing yourself. Simply embrace your selection or choice and move forward and onward.

10)Be Aware of and Celebrate your Decisions:

As I often suggest to my clients, ‘pat yourself on the back.’

Congratulate yourself for EVERY decision you make, big or small……

You can say and practice a kind affirmation (positive and in the present tense), like, ‘I made a great decision and I’m getting better and better at making choices. Yahoo; this feels really good!’

Your inner critic (negative voice) may come creeping in to try to create self-doubt. If so, just repeat your kind and validating affirmation…………over and over and over again……..

Remember, there are steps you can take to get better at making decisions. It’s a fabulous and necessary skill that you can learn.

Practice, practice, practice!

If you feel that indecisiveness is affecting your daily life and functioning, please consider talking with a professional (ie: coach, therapist, etc.).

As Maimonides said: “The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.”

So, make a decision. It’s always a right one. If it’s correct, yahoo for you and if it’s not, you’ve learned something from it and can now make a different decision. The only way that life can move onward and forward is for you to make decisions. This is how you learn, grow, progress and move in the direction you and your life are meant to. If you need help with this process, please get help. It’s well worth it and so are you!

With smiles & love,

Dr Gigi

PS: Well, I made the decision to take a couple of weeks off for a trip to South America. For me, a trip is always a good and necessary decision. I’m back and boy, was it a great decision!

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