This has surely become a popular subject. Recently, several of my female clients are telling me that they want to ‘get more in touch with their feminine side’. The men are looking to create more balance between their masculine and feminine sides.

I understand this desire to balance both feminine and masculine sides, not just on an intellectual level but on an emotional one, too. I am a baby boomer generation woman, who started dental school in 1979, when women comprised only 15 % of dental school classes. (Now it’s over 50%).

My generation was confused. As a woman and minority back then, I thought I had to act ‘tough,’ to be more like ‘one of the boys.’ And I did it--------------------and learned how to hide much of my ‘feminine’ energy. This may have helped me through the challenges of dental school but this ‘outer toughness’ or ‘armor’, as one of my wonderful clients calls it, is hard to let go of, once it becomes a habit. As a mindset coach, I have to remind you of what a habit is:  a routine of thought and behavior that is repeated regularly and then, tends to occur subconsciously (ie: automatically).

In the 1970’s and 1980’s, we women thought that behaving like men was the way to go, particularly in business. Presently, I see younger generations of women who are capable and confident leaders while also remaining feminine (for the most part). This is encouraging…………to see the progress and the balance.

 

Different people describe feminine and masculine energies in different ways. Here’s my take:

-FEMININE energy (YIN): seems to make us softer, more sensuous and fluid, kinder, gentler, nurturing, compassionate and loving. To embrace your feminine energy, you can nurture qualities like: creativity, intuition, understanding and compassion. This feeling contains an open and receptive type of energy. Your feminine side is expressed when you move with the ‘flow of life,’ embrace your creative energy (of all kinds), play, dance and attune to your internal process and your intuition. This energy often includes nurturing, more collaboration and the ability to multitask.

-MASCULINE energy (YANG) is more arrow-like in contrast to feminine energy….let’s call it ‘harder’ energy. It’s about setting and accomplishing goals. It’s results and action-oriented.

 

Just so you understand: both women and men have both energies within them and as part of them…..and they can be altered and changed.

For people of all genders, both feminine and masculine energies are necessary to embody, in order to feel like a complete person.

 

NOTE:

Everyone is born with both of these universal energies; each person in different doses. They don’t have a gender assigned to them, inherently, but it seems that humankind associated Yin with the feminine and Yang with the masculine. There’s no good or bad when it relates to the amount of each. Both of these energies make up the essence of WHO you are.

What folks consider to be feminine traits really stem from expectations we used to place on women throughout history, to behave in certain ways. And it’s the same with the masculine traits and past expectations for men. Today, we know that people of all genders can have different combinations of any of these traits. No traits are inherent to any gender.

Well------this can sure change the generalizations and stereotypes we’ve developed over time. Personally, I think that this is so encouraging; it gives both women and men personal power and freedom to be who they really are and to do what truly aligns with them. There will be much less frustration, and less anxiety, depression and inner conflicts. In previous generations and even today, so many people are not allowed or able to express their true being and this causes all kinds of illness and dis-ease: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.

 

MASCULINE:

Younger generations of men are now wanting and choosing to be more involved with child-rearing. They’re understanding the positive impact on their children and on their families when they create more life/work balance. Some men are choosing to stay home with the kids. They are able to, more easily, lean into the sensitive, nurturing, creative sides of themselves and this is good for them (and their families). It’s not just all about work, as it was when I was growing up. Then, so many kids complained of distant dads; they just weren’t around much or weren’t much involved.

Men are usually encouraged to identify more with masculine energy but they’re finding that there’s also great joy in being able to let go and be more flexible. Many men have become more attuned to their intuition and are enjoying being in their ‘flow’. As a mother of a man, and as a mindset coach, I would say that it’s more important than ever to raise our boys without gender stereotypes. Now, it can be more a matter of individual and family choice than about the old ‘rules’ of society. This leaves room for self-awareness, self-fulfillment and less feelings of sole financial responsibility and obligation.

 

FEMININE:

Women now have many more choices; to work outside the home or not, to get married or not, to have children or not…….Though many women are still raised with expectations to be feminine, there are benefits to being directive,  clear, and with boundaries, too (masculine).

One large issue for the women of today, particularly throughout this Covid pandemic, is how to multitask. Generally, it is women who take care of the kids, in addition to outside work. With Covid, they must also do home-schooling. This is just too much………so it seems that women are making choices that benefit the family, not necessarily their preferences. This is causing much stress, anxiety, depression, not to mention divorce……and more.

There are many single parents in today’s society, especially women. They often have to work outside the home, find childcare (if they can afford to) and take care of every aspect of their kid’s lives and their own. What happens to an overwhelming number of these single moms? They become very independent, organized and they get used to being ‘leaders’ and having to get things done (masculine trait). I know because I was a single mom for years. These masculine traits or qualities increase and it’s harder to get in touch with our more feminine sides, which are often buried or hidden from sight. Many single moms don’t have the time, finances or energy to pamper or even, take care of themselves properly. Their lives are often a matter of ‘doing’ instead of ‘being’ and to re-discover their feminine side, they must find the time…….. some time, to just be…………to connect with themselves, to do some self-care or what gives them joy, if only for 15 minutes/day.

 

Why Women can feel OUT OF TOUCH with their Feminine Side:

In our present culture, masculine energy, often about progress and moving forward---tends to be more valued than feminine energy. With an overvalue on masculine energy, we spend most of our time working and too little time resting, taking vacation, looking inside and spontaneously connecting with others. We can also become more dependent on ‘things,’ like our smartphones and laptops and spend less time in nature or expressing ourselves creatively. This can leave us searching and longing for something wild, resourceful, rejuvenating and spontaneous-----our more feminine aspects.

These days, it seems to depend a lot on your lifestyle: single, married (or in partnership), single parent, etc. It’s also a financial question. We still don’t have universal childcare in the USA ☹ It’s much more challenging to find time for yourself if you can’t afford good childcare or if you have to run around taking or picking kids up from childcare…..

It's nice and vital to our well-being for all of us to have outlets for both our feminine and masculine energies.

 

SIGNS that you may have an excess of MASCULINE energy:

1)You anger easily or often look mad

2)You’ve been described as ‘hard-edged’

3)You often speak loudly, harshly and curse

4)you overdo; often in busy-ness mode

5)lots more Doing than Being

6)It’s hard to stay still

7)Hard to ask for help or support

8)Feeling you must handle things yourself

 

These are not to be judged (especially by you); they’re not necessarily good or bad………….

 

How to turn up your FEMININE ENERGY:

1)Reflect: Connect with who you really are and what’s going on inside you, even if it’s only 10-15 minutes/day.

You can also get help and support, which can be faster and more effective: a coach, therapist, etc. Dive deeper into your internal feminine side: the softness, sweetness, kindness……of you.

 

2)Go into Nature: the FEMININE is life force energy. Places like parks, the forest, jungle and the ocean are abundant with natural feminine energy. These places can revitalize you and get you back in sync with yourself and your life.

 

3)Get CREATIVE: This is a big one for me. I am a big proponent of finding your own CREATIVITY, whether it’s in the arts, business, teaching, accounting, family life……..whatever and wherever.

The feminine is the CREATIVE force. To begin with, we’re designed (body-wise) to create life. As mentioned above, creation occurs in various ways-----artistic expression, dance, writing, painting, starting a new business, creating a fine family life or dreaming up new ideas. Envision (use your wild imagination and creativity) what you want to create. The things that express ‘your flow’ are considered feminine. For me, it’s painting, writing, and spending time with those I care about (most often, in an outdoor café with good, strong coffee)!

 

4)Value PLAY and SPONTANEITY:  Sadly, in the USA, folks no longer value vacation, rest or downtime as we should. It is vital for recharging and re-evaluating. We work way too much (especially in my beloved NYC) and are therefore, over-masculinized and don’t often experience the simple and spontaneous joys of life.

You can take and make a mini-vacation or stay-cation and prioritize downtime for yourself (I give my clients exercises to follow for this). You can listen to music, read books, do yoga, enjoy nature or just simply be in and enjoy the present moment!

 

5)Alter your EMOTIONAL expression: the feminine is expressed through emotions, while the masculine is expressed through logic. It’s vital to learn to understand our feelings (for both women and men). You want to learn to boost your emotional intelligence.

 

6)You can TRANSFORM: some think of the feminine as quiet and rejuvenating but it’s also BOLD---------it’s the force of TRANSFORMATION. Your surging feminine energy makes a change. Without the powerful movement of feminine energy, both soothing and scary (change can be unnerving), we would stay stagnant. Who wants that?

 

HINT:

If you’re feeling burned out, overworked, exhausted or fragmented, you’re probably in desperate need of feminine energy, which can restore, inspire and enliven you. In this way, the feminine can bring you back to life!

As with almost all else in life, balance and wholeness are necessary for good health, good living and joie de vivre (zest for life).

 

“If we keep on talking about masculine and feminine and following those stereotypes, then we will make women suppress and despise their so-called masculine qualities and men suppress their so-called feminine ones, and that’s where all the trouble starts.”                                                      ----Gloria Steinem

 

With smiles and love,

Dr Gigi

 

PS: Learn more about balancing your energies, wholeness and becoming the authentic you @www.gigiarnaud.com or DM me.

Change your Mind to Change your Life!