Aloneness vs. Loneliness

 Well it’s 2021; can I cancel my subscription yet?

As the Covid pandemic continues and we witness the chaos at the US capitol in Washington, DC and the challenges to our democracy and for our new, upcoming President, you may be feeling a bit frustrated, challenged, anxious,

overwhelmed--------just fill in the blank.

I hear a lot of folks saying that they’re feeling ‘lonely’ and/or ‘alone.’ You may be feeling one or both of these emotions. And you must FEEL them. Listen to the signals in your body and observe your energy and where it’s going.

Before you get to this, let’s differentiate between ‘aloneness’ and ‘loneliness.’ Here are some dictionary definitions:

-ALONENESS: having no one else present; on one’s own; without others’ help or participation.

-LONELINESS: sadness because one has no company; isolation; fact of being without companions.

Aloneness seems to be a physical circumstance. For example, throughout this Covid pandemic, many of us have been alone, live alone, work alone…

Loneliness is more a ‘feeling’ of being alone; sadness; without people or companions.

There is a subtle yet immense difference between the two. We often use these words interchangeably but they are not the same. WORDS are so important; the ones we use with others, personally and professionally, and mostly, the words we say to ourselves. Our subconscious minds listen and act accordingly. So, observing, becoming aware of and, if necessary, changing these words can have a great positive impact on our lives.

You may have heard the phrase, “Don’t let a crisis go to waste.” Well folks; you have a few to choose from: the Covid pandemic, the challenge to a free and fair election, democracy and now the unlawful assault on the US capitol. In addition, you may have some crises of your own: financial, physical, emotional, mental, environmental, even spiritual. This is not meant to get you down. On the other hand, this time of chaos and challenge can give you one or many opportunities to make changes that you may not have been quite ready to make; for healing, progress, growth, developing new inner strengths or to change a job, career, location or lifestyle.

I know this is doable because I did it myself. You can do it, in your own way. It took me some time to overcome my fear of scarcity and to be at peace with my decision to leave my 30 plus year career as a dentist, then to go full force toward a career I’ve done only part-time and have loved: as a Mindset life coach & hypnotherapist. I had to learn how to establish and run a new and different type of business, including learning lots of technology (which I’m admittedly less than talented at), a new way of working and lifestyle. I did the research and work to get my finances in order, to proceed with reason and pragmatism, as well as with heart, mind and soul.

INTROVERT-----AMBIVERT-----EXTROVERT:

This introspection and self-assessment and evaluation can be challenging. It can be even more difficult for those of you who are more on the extrovert side of the spectrum of: introvert----ambivert-----extrovert. Extroverts get their energy from others, from groups of people, socializing, team work and being around others whereas, introverts get their energy by being alone and doing things they can and like to do, usually by themselves. You are probably a mixture of both (ambivert); most of us lie more on one side of the spectrum than the other. For example, you can like working alone, need time for introspection, reading, writing, painting, etc., but still want and like to be connected to others. It is important to note that you may ‘look like’ one and actually be more of the other.

I know this to be true; I really like being with and meeting people, and socializing, but in smaller groups. I need my time and space alone to recalibrate my mind and body. I enjoy being my own boss and many solitary activities, like reading, painting, dancing to music at home……So, I am more of an introvert but look more like an extrovert.

If you are an introvert, you may be riding these times out a bit more easily than your friends, the extroverts, who are unable to socialize now, as they usually prefer to.

Wherever you lie on this spectrum, you can learn to respond to this time by yourself, rather than react (to your feelings and emotions). You do not have control of external circumstances but you can control your responses to them. You want to stay in the responsive mode, your peaceful, home mode, rather than the reactive mode (which keeps your nervous system activated and on alert).

No matter if you’re an introvert, ambivert or extrovert or somewhere in between, your goal here is to discover (or re-discover) who you really are and how you function optimally. Then, you can take action. If you’re an introvert, you may want to take walks just to see and connect with people. If you’re an extrovert, you may want to do the same and maybe, add more time speaking to friends, family, colleagues, dates…..online, on the phone….

THE 4 A’S:

Once you develop: Awareness of who you are. Acceptance of your particular talents, qualities, you can then, take Action to become the best version of yourself. Do not waste this crazy and challenging time. Start figuring out how you can change and improve your belief and thought patterns, your behaviors and actions to Align your life with the true you, and what you really want and love.

There is so much to learn, to discover, to create, to help with, and to love. We are fortunate to have the ‘world’ at our fingertips now. We may be limited physically at the moment but we do not have to be limited mentally or emotionally. Be CURIOUS about what’s out there even if you can’t see it right now; who you can meet, what you can do, how you can create and utilize the unlimited potential of your imagination, mind and creativity. You have it, there, within you!

If you are feeling very alone, you may want to contact a professional: therapist, physician, etc. If you want to discover more about your way of thinking (and feeling) and need an ally or guide to help change or improve your thought patterns, or to help guide you through YOUR way of being with yourself and benefiting from this period, please feel free to reach out. Let’s have a conversation!

With smiles and love,

Dr Gigi