The Trouble with Comparing
It’s my favorite season of the year, here in NYC: spring! The trees are green again and flowers have been blooming in colorful glee: daffodils, pansies, irises and more. It makes me want to sing. The world has more color, more warmth and seems to have more possibility, particularly as we’re exiting from the isolation and pain of the Covid pandemic.
I’ve noticed something interesting and maybe you’ve noticed it too? This being alone (throughout the pandemic), without the ability to go out with friends or to cultural events, forced us to spend lots of time by ourselves. Not necessarily a bad thing. For many of us, it was about time to look inward and discover who we truly are, what we want, how we behave and communicate and more. So, we were focused on spending time doing the things we had to do and then, if we had time and energy left over….. on the things we wanted to do. Not so many other people around were part of the equation. So, there was less comparing, of ourselves to them, of them to us or of us to everyone else out there. For those of us who could stay home, there was less to compare to, less need for our egos to be on alert. The only thing we could compare to was ourselves. This is a good thing; looking at what we can learn, how we can improve ourselves, personally and professionally. One thing we certainly couldn’t compare was clothing, mostly because many of us were half naked and didn’t have to dress up below the waist for our Zoom calls.
In a poetic and natural way, by giving us less time to compare with others (which our egos tend to do), because we couldn’t be with others, we had more time to do what we wanted or needed to do.
As the Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius said; “How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” And we know that he sure did get a lot done…..
The truth is that if you would just focus on yourself and your life, who you are and what you’d like to express and give to the world, there would be a lot less comparing (and gossiping) and a lot more personal joy and fulfillment. When you become aware of your purpose, and make it your primary intention, your life goes in the right direction. No one knows, except the inner you, of course, what is ‘right’ or ‘good’ for you; not your parents, not your friends, not your colleagues and not society. To get to know your purpose, you can look at your passions and priorities and values.
MY PURPOSE:
In the past, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what my purpose(s) is; I wasn’t consciously aware of it. So, I didn’t think about it. I just started focusing on what I loved, what caused me to ‘be in the flow’ and made me smile inside (not what others thought I should be or do). I realized that it was helping others to heal…. from their challenges, trauma and wounds. One of my priorities had always been to help other humans to suffer less in their lives. I had been a dentist for many decades (a form of healing) and a life coach and hypnotherapist. I realized that this is what I love to do; to help others to learn about and feel content and fulfilled in their lives, no matter what they’ve been through or at what stage of life they’re in. I also realized that I had spent too many years without expressing my particular forms of creativity, which were my passions. I had been a dancer, an actor and loved to paint and write. A few years ago, I decided to start drawing again. I joined a sketching class and then,started taking more art classes (in person and then, online). Then, I taught myself painting (acrylics) from a book, literally. Then, I took online classes, asked questions and started to discover myself more and more, with lots of experimentation. It was not only fun but I realized that time passed so quickly; I was ‘in the flow’ or ‘in the zone.’ Nothing better! Now, I don’t skip a day to either: draw, paint, write, or do my work as a coach, hypnotist or speaker. I became aware that being a creative was another of my purposes. So, if you ask me what my purpose is, I would respond that I am a healer and a creator. What would you say, without thinking from your head, but from your heart, spirit and soul?
I love this quote by Suzy Kassem, ”Whatever your passion is, keep doing it. Don’t waste time chasing after success or comparing yourself to others. Every flower blooms at a different pace. Excel at doing what your passion is and only focus on perfecting it. Eventually people will see what you are great at doing, and if you are truly great, success will come chasing after you.”
To me, success in this quote refers to society’s view of success. The success you want to live is your own version of success. And yes, each one of us is a beautiful, colorful and unique flower and we bloom and we blossom at our own pace. So, what comparing does is waste lots of time and mind-energy on things that don’t really matter for you, especially in the long-term.
INNER and OUTER Ways to Happiness:
1)Whether you’re comparing the internal or the external, comparing yourself to others is a recipe for unhappiness, unless you are #1 in the world, with everything. At worst, when we compare ourselves to others, we end up focusing and giving our energy to what brings them down, instead of raising ourselves up. What a waste of time, emotion and mental, physical and even, spiritual energy.
The only game you can surely win is in being YOU. This is simple but not easy. This is a useful and spectacular shift in mindset. You’re no longer focusing on where you stand relative to others. Your energy and focus is now placed on how you can accept who and where you are, in your life, now and how you can improve yourself. Guess what? You become a better version of yourself and you will feel yourself becoming happier, freer and focused on the present moment.
Remember that each person looks at life through a different ‘filter’ (read my blog: It’s All About Perspective), so if someone doesn’t approve of what you’re doing………..oh well. That’s their problem. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t listen to others’ ideas and suggestions; you do want to become your best self. Just keep aware of who it’s coming from and how it’s coming to you.
2)The most important and best things in life come from the inside, not the outside.
3)You can be anything but you can’t be (good at) everything.
4)The best game to win: being YOU!
5)Compare yourself to who you were yesterday (in the past). See how far you’ve come and what you’ve overcome. Give yourself a ‘pat on the back’ and celebrate the progress you’ve made, whether it be mental, emotional, physical, environmental or spiritual. Don’t forget to CELEBRATE each and every small or big ‘success’ you have. It doesn’t have to be a gala or even, a party. You can just treat yourself to a good coffee in a lovely café, if that’s what does it for you (That’s what I do…..)
Bottom line: Comparing yourself to others, in any and every way, is just poison to your mind, heart, body, spirit and soul. What a waste of time, focus and energy, too. Don’t give your personal power away; keep it for yourself and use this energy and focus to live YOUR best life and your unique version and definition of success, contentment and joy!
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
PS: Sign up for your free Discovery session and learn how to spend your energy on yourself and on what you desire and dream of. You can reach me @www.gigiarnaud.com or at the social media links below.