Anger…………You Gotta Feel It to Heal It
Like all emotions, the only ‘healthy’ way to move forward is to first feel your anger.
Let’s put this process of ‘feeling it to heal it’ into general steps. These are not necessarily linear but are part of the process of ‘feeling’ and letting go of your anger, so that you can move on and forward. These are the steps that I use, with myself and for clients.
Emotional Mindfulness Process (EMP)
These are the general steps to use:
1)Awareness & MIndfulness (in body, then mind and spirit)/Name It
2)Acceptance (without judgement): of whatever feeling, emotion comes up/question and discover triggers
3)Feel it (body sensations first, then to mind….)
4)Express it in a healthy way or constrain it in a healthy way
5)Let it go (once tended to and felt)
6)Move onward and forward
This EMP can and may be used for any and all emotions. The important thing is to not repress or suppress your emotions, particularly those you may judge as negative. If you do, they just reappear (and sometimes, explode) later on, in a less than healthy way.
Emotions are not positive/negative, good/bad, etc. They have a duality about them, just as everything and everyone in our lives does; it’s natural and part of all life.
EMP:
1)AWARENESS:
This is vital. You must first recognize what it is that you’re feeling. The easiest, quickest and most sure way of doing this is by ‘listening’ to your body’s sensations, feelings, signals. Maybe your neck and shoulder muscles tighten when you’re angry and your facial muscles turn into a scowl, etc.? It’s a great idea to stop and get into, listen to and feel your body’s signals, so that you know and understand which emotions causes what sensation(s).
Once you feel it in your body, then your mind will take over and help you with this information.
The largest cranial nerve in the body, the vagus nerve, has bidirectional fibers (brain to gut and gut to brain), and also goes through many of the body’s major organs. 90% of these fibers go from the gut to the brain, which means your organs and body feel things first. Be aware of this and let yourself feel. I know; it’s not always pleasant but it’s necessary to ‘feel’ these feelings, so that they can be released. If you don’t, they stay trapped in your body, which can cause chronic illness and dis-ease. I know this firsthand because I have arthritis…..I didn’t allow myself to feel my sensations and emotions for years……..I kept telling myself (mind talk) that these are negative and no-good feelings……..not true.
I named this process the EMOTIONAL MINDFULNESS PROCESS because when you let yourself feel your body’s feelings, it causes you to come fully into the present moment, which is part of mindfulness.
Here’s a definition of Mindfulness (Greater Good Magazine): “maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.
Mindfulness also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without JUDGING THEM------without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”
The only thing I might change in the above definition is the order. First, body sensations, then, thoughts……
The last part talks about letting go: of rehashing the past (too much of this can cause depression) or imagining or anticipating the future (too much of this can cause anxiety).
Another part of Step 1 is NAMING THE EMOTION. Once you feel it in your body, name it out loud, ie: anger, anxiety, sadness, joy. This also helps your mind and you start towards the next step, ACCEPTANCE.
2)ACCEPTANCE:
Now, you’re aware of the emotion and you’ve named it. It’s here; now it’s time to take it in, accept it, without JUDGEMENT. This is important! No judging of the emotion (ie: anger) or of yourself!
This acceptance allows you to let it ‘wash over you.’ It may not always feel good but accepting and feeling it allows your body, mind and spirit to process it……..and then, to let it go. When you accept and feel it, it doesn’t get ‘stuck’ anywhere; in your body, mind or spirit. Yahoo!
This is a good time to question and discover your TRIGGERS. This is self-observation and objective observation, so that you can learn what sets you off to feel various emotions and why.
Definition of TRIGGER:
A trigger is a reminder of a past trauma (most of us have had some trauma, whether it’s Big trauma or Small trauma). This reminder can cause a person to feel overwhelming sadness, anxiety or panic. It may also cause someone to have flashbacks.
Triggers can take many forms: a physical location, the anniversary of a traumatic event, a noise, a smell, etc. A person could also be triggered by internal processes such as stress.
It’s helpful to know and understand your triggers, so you can understand what you’re feeling and why.
3)I add FEELING IT as a separate step, although it’s part of every step. You must FEEL the emotion; typically, in your body first, then your mind and spirit….
4)Express it or Constrain It: these are both to be done in healthy ways. For example, if you’re feeling angry at your boss at work, punching him in the nose would not be a healthy way of expressing your anger/rage. You might want to go into the bathroom and scream or punch a pillow in your office.
There are times where you have to constrain your anger in particular situations and you can express it later on: by singing or screaming loudly, exercising, punching a pillow (this one helps me with my physical sensations of anger), etc.
We live in a society where we’re often having to constrain our feelings (socially acceptable). So, you can feel them later or in a different way. Just make sure that you take the time needed to really FEEL them!
5)The previous steps will allow you, once your feeling is fully felt (ie: anger), without judgement…….. to let it go; release it. In this way, you won’t keep repeating and rehashing the past and you won’t be in constant anticipation of the future. Congratulations to you!
6)Move onward and forward.
This is more a result of the previous steps but it’s good to name it and see it. Your brain (instinctual, emotional and rational parts) will understand and you will be able and happy, to move onward and forward, without the stress, angst, anxiety, sadness and stuckness of before.
Yes, yes and yes to you!
If you have any questions or comments about this EMP, please contact me @drgigiarnaud (Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn) or @www.gigiarnaud.com
Sign up for your FREE 45-minute Clarity Call @www.gigiarnaud.com and learn how to use this EMP process and to move forward in your life!
It’s worth your while to learn to FEEL ALL YOUR FEELINGS! It will FREE you in life and for life…….:)
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
Change your Thoughts, Change your Mind, Change your World