THE CIRCLE IN THE SQUARE: Embracing Your Authenticity in a Society That Demands Conformity Part 1
From the moment we join this world, we’re taught to fit in. Blend in. Be like everyone else. Society gives us a mold---a square---and tells us to shape ourselves accordingly, with all the rules, regulations and ideas of the square.
Society constantly tells us who we should be, what we should achieve and how we should live, as if there’s one ideal way to accomplish all these things. Whether it’s through social expectations, career pressures, or even personal relationships, many of us find ourselves trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t quite align with who we truly are.
What if you’re not a square, or don’t want to be one? What if you’re a circle; different, unique and wonderful and you’re trying to force yourself into a space, a way of thinking, a life….that was never meant for you?
As a Life Coach & Mindset Coach/Hypnotist, I often work with individuals who are struggling with this very disconnect. They feel out of place, like they’re different, or odd, or intense and they’re not quite sure how to make sense of it. They’ve been led to believe that their worth is based on fulfilling external expectations------on checking off boxes of success and conforming to a prescribed lifestyle. But the truth is, that very pursuit can rob them of something far more valuable: their authenticity.
I know these feelings intimately; I’ve always felt that I was different and didn’t quite belong. I was the daughter of immigrants, who had lived and suffered through WWII. We were multicultural and multilingual and quite different from our neighbors, in the Long Island, NY suburb I was raised in. And due to my family’s history and intergenerational trauma, I’m sure that I also thought differently.
When I was 30 years old and leaving Israel, after 5 years living there, a dental patient of mine (I worked as a dentist) suggested that I see a certain astrologist, who did a complete astrological chart for me and explained certain characteristics of mine. I was surprised………and not surprised when she told me,
“Gigi, you are trying to be a square (meaning this in both the literal and metaphoric sense) but you’re not. You are a circle in the square and you must start accepting this. In this world, it’s the circles, those who think, feel and even act, differently, who make a difference and change those things that must be changed and that will improve our lives. Stop trying to be like everyone else. It’s not serving you. You’ve become anxious, a bit depressed; of course you are. You’re not allowing the beautiful, unique and true you to emerge. Just let it come out and play. You will not only feel better, ie: inner peace, freedom of spirit and joy, you will be able to be yourself and help others the way you’re meant to.”
The truth is that the folks in this world who make the biggest impact and who truly change the world, are those who don’t necessarily conform or fit in. These are the dreamers, the visionaries, the leaders. They don’t spend their lives trying to be someone they’re not; they embrace their uniqueness and use it as their superpower.
The CHALLENGE (and Struggle) of Being Different
When we’re younger, we want to fit in, and being and feeling different can feel like a burden. As humans, one of our deep and primal needs is to belong. We want to feel safe, accepted, and part of a group. Standing out, being the ‘odd one’ can feel isolating and even painful. It’s why so many people suppress their true selves just to fit in.
Maybe you were the kid who preferred books over sports, or the one who asked too many questions. Maybe you dressed differently, thought differently, had ideas that others didn’t understand? Maybe the way you saw the world made others uncomfortable? In those moments, it’s easy to think or to believe that something is wrong with you. But nothing is wrong with you. As a matter of fact, everything is right with you.
When you try to fit in at the cost of who you really are, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t bring true belonging. It just brings temporary acceptance and it’s at the expense of your authenticity.
The truth is that real contentment, joy, and fulfillment, comes from being unapologetically YOU!
Some PEOPLE who CHANGED THE WORLD………………and didn’t fit in, or refused to.
History is full of people who didn’t squeeze themselves into a mold of ‘should haves.’ Some refused to and because of that, they changed everything.
-ALBERT EINSTEIN was a poor student and was seen as slow and unremarkable. Of course, his unique way of thinking led to groundbreaking theories that reshaped physics and many of our ideas about the universe.
-STEVE JOBS started a company and was then fired from his own company for being too ‘different.’ He returned to Apple years later and changed technology (and our world) forever.
-FRIDA KAHLO painted her pain and identity in ways that defied convention, making her one of the most celebrated artists in history.
-ROSA PARKS quietly refused to move to the back of the bus, in the US South. Her quiet act of defiance ignited a movement…………civil rights.
It’s not just the famous names. Think about:
-The TEACHER who refuses to follow outdated systems and instead nurtures students’ true potential. I had such a teacher, Ms. Noto, my high school French teacher, who changed my way of thinking about myself, encouraged me and changed the trajectory of my career and my life.
-The PARENT who raises their child to think critically and compassionately, even when it goes against tradition.
-The SMALL BUSINESS OWNER who builds something unique instead of following the crowd.
-The PERSON WHO SPEAKS UP at or after a meeting or event, when everyone else stays silent, changing the direction of a project, or the way our society functions.
Standing up and standing out doesn’t have to mean world-changing fame; it means changing something, somewhere, in a way that matters.
EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE
Being and feeling different is not a weakness; it’s your greatest strength. The world doesn’t need more copies; it needs originals. It needs YOU…the real you, the you that isn’t afraid to think differently, to be different, to challenge norms, to carve your own path.
As Oscar Wilde said: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
So, if you’re like I was, constantly feeling that I was different and that perhaps, I was even ‘broken’ or ‘crazy,’ know that you’re not, broken or crazy, that is. Just know that it’s a sign to you and for you. You weren’t meant to fit in; you were and are, meant to stand out. Stop trying to be square, like most others. Be the circle, the circle in the square, the different one who doesn’t quite fit the mold. Be the one who shapes the world, not the one who bends to it and its shape.
It may not always be easy, but I promise you----------it will be worth it.
Embrace your difference. Own your uniqueness. The world is waiting for you!
THE PRESSURE TO CONFORM
Most of us are taught to seek validation from the world around us. Again, from a young age, we’re conditioned to follow a clear path: graduate, get a good job, climb the ladder and settle into a predictable, conventional life. This can lead us to suppress our true desires and passions, simply because they don’t match the societal ‘should haves’ or norms.
For some of us (me included), this path of conformity feels like stagnation and maybe even, a slow death. I may be exaggerating but not really …………….
What happens when you don’t fit this societal mold? When your heart yearns for something different, something more aligned with your inner self? You may feel anxiety, self-doubt, or even guilt for not measuring up to the societal standards. You might find yourself asking,
“Why can’t I just be like everyone else? Why does it feel like I’m often swimming against the current? Is there something wrong with me?”
Understand that this feeling of being ‘different’ is not a flaw; it’s a call to reconnect with your personal power, agency and authenticity. When we spend too much time focusing on what we ‘should’ be, we lose touch with who and what we really are. We forget that true freedom comes from understanding and embracing our uniqueness and finding a way to express our authentic self in the world.
So, stop ‘shoulding’ all over yourself!
As Carl Jung said,
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
Amen to this!
With smiles & love,
Dr Gigi
PS: BOOK your free Clarity Call with me @www.gigiarnaud.com
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Look for Part 2 of THE CIRCLE IN THE SQUARE on the next blog post in 2 weeks:)