It’s Time to Stop Trying to Get Rid of Your Anxiety
If you’re trying to get rid of something, ie: anxiety, then you’re not accepting it. And accepting it is important to be able to accept yourself because it’s a part of you. When you fight with and reject your anxiety, you are, in essence, attacking and rejecting yourself. Guess what? This only creates more anxiety, so it’s defeating its purpose.
The truth is that anxiety feels like it’s just in your mind but this is really just interpreting the old trauma energy stored in your body. We humans are the only animal species who do not physically shake off trauma from our bodies, so it remains stored there.
This anxiety you have is what’s left over from that trauma, stored in your body. When you were a child and your mind was overwhelmed and you didn’t have anybody to tell or enough parental support, you pushed this trauma down into your body as a coping or defense mechanism. The anxiety that you feel in your mind is often really this unresolved trauma trapped inside your body. Really, you are re-experiencing the trauma of your younger self.
As we get older, that inner child (younger self) doesn’t want to go back into the body where the pain and trauma have been stored. So, we find ways to avoid it, and we start staying more in our heads than our bodies. What happens? Worry, rumination, overthinking, and anxiety spirals and loops increase and take over, as a way to avoid the trauma and pain stored in our body.
Our anxiety is often a signal or a message from your (past) wounded inner child trying to tell you that you are stuck, that your ‘inner child’ (your younger self) needs your adult help, and that it’s time to release the painful energy stored down in your body.
What we tend to do to avoid this pain and trauma, is distract ourselves. Some of us drink, do drugs, fight and try to push the anxiety away however we can, to ‘get rid of it.’ Again, by trying to get rid of it or push the anxiety away, which is a part of us, we are essentially rejecting our own younger self’s (inner child’s) call for help, support and love. The child in us just wanted to be loved, seen, heard, supported and comforted. He/she just wants connection. Your hurt inner child now wants and needs a loving parent he/she wished they had back then. Your inner child needs you to be the loving and supportive parent now, that you really needed back then.
I know this can be very challenging. I distracted myself for years, with keeping busy and accomplishments. I was a ‘busy-holic,’ both personally and professionally. I tried (unconsciously) so hard to avoid the pain in my body and mind, which showed itself clearly. I had OCD for a long time, which may have helped me as a dentist but not so much in my everyday life.
You know that when you don’t listen to the hints and signs from your body and mind, those signs become more intense. This is to prevent us from going back into our bodies and that pain and trauma there. Your anxiety then becomes chronic.
EXERCISE: (a similar version of this can also be found on blog post: How to Stop the Anxiety Spiral)
When you’re feeling anxious, try not to distract yourself. Just be there. Feel it. You want to let your anxiety ‘wash over you’.
1)Say STOP, STOP, STOP, to yourself, either aloud (better) or to yourself, each time with increasing energy and belief. If you move your body, even better. The more energy you put into this, the more your subconscious mind will ‘hear’ you, to start making changes (neural pathways in your brain). In this way, you stop the overthinking and repeating anxious thoughts and now, you’re starting to face your anxiety and work through it. Good for you! This can be really hard and scary; you can do it! (whether by yourself or with help).
2)Now, pay attention to where this anxiety or alarm is sitting in your body. You want to get out of your head! You may feel an upset stomach (gut), or a tightness in your throat, or your chest. This sensation is your unconscious younger self letting you know that he/she needs your conscious attention, comfort and compassion. The challenging part may be to stay with it; stay with the anxiety, pinpoint where it is and ‘listen’ to what your inner child is telling you. Listen to that younger you, who was just trying to survive and get love, connection, attention and support.
3)Once you’ve determined where you’re feeling this anxiety, you can do something about it, as your adult self. Let’s say you feel tightness in your chest. Now, put your hand over your chest area and heart, where you’re feeling the discomfort and alarm, put your other hand on your abdomen and take a deep breath (or 2 or 3), and feel your own supportive and compassionate touch. Keep breathing into the area and really be aware of and feel your own loving, and connected touch. It starts letting your body know that it’s safe, that you’re safe. Your body can start to relax. Then, your mind follows suit. You can just stay there a bit and see how, as your ‘adult self,’ you can connect with, respond to and help relax, your ‘inner child.’ (your younger self).
4)Now that your body and mind are calmer, you can start becoming aware of appreciating or loving that alarm, because it is showing you that your inner child needs the love, and your adult self can give it the love it needs. In other words, you are re-parenting yourself, the way you would have like to be parented when you were just a baby and a child.
You can REFRAME your anxiety. It’s not your enemy. It is your younger self (inner child) asking for love and attention. And guess what, you (adult self) can give you (your inner child) this love, attention and support that you didn’t get as a young child.
The alarm (anxiety) you feel in your body is just a gate to keep you out of the pain and trauma stored in your body. But, you want to LISTEN to this ALARM because it’s really the younger you, asking for your care, love and attention now, that you really needed back then.
HEALING:
You want to heal and in order to do this, you need to connect the anxiety or alarm in your body to your scared younger self. So really, the only way to HEAL is to FEEL! To heal, you can’t avoid your pain, or go around it. Bottom line: you have to walk through it to FEEL it to HEAL it!
This is something that you may want to get help with, if it feels too hard, frightening or intense. You can contact a professional: therapist, coach, somatic therapist, etc. Please be in touch if you want/need more information.
SUMMARY:
When you feel anxious (or alarmed), go into and connect with your body (sensations) and out of your head and find where this alarm is (connect to it) and soothe it (see exercise above). This calms your body and then, your mind calms, too.
Very important (and not always easy), is to appreciate, love and even, thank this alarm, which is your signal or reminder to love the child in you (your inner child or younger self). In this way, you can re-parent your younger self, who needed this loving, connected and compassionate parenting early on and didn’t necessarily get it.
It's comforting to know that you can do something about this anxiety and alarm and pain and trauma within it. You can re-parent yourself, in a loving and understanding way. You’ll find that your chronic anxiety subsides and your alarm is not signaled as often as it was. You know that it’s necessary to connect your body and mind, so that you connect with your pain, and your anxiety, and reduce both (by facing and working through them).
Congratulations! I know that this sounds simple but it’s not easy! I’ve had chronic anxiety and a hyperactivated, dysregulated nervous system for much of my life. With help, I have, finally, been able to look at and work through the trauma from my early years, allowing me to feel safer, more secure and more settled, in both my body and my mind. And now that I’m less ‘busy’ trying to avoid my pain, I have the time and energy to become the authentic me and to live the life I once dreamed of. It’s the life I was always meant to live! Amen!!! You can do it, too. You deserve it!
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
PS: Learn more about Anxiety in my weekly blog post Anxiety Series @www.gigiarnaud.com and get your FREE guide (with practical exercises, too). You can always DM me @drgigiarnaud at Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.
If you need any recommendations, referrals or have questions, comments or stories about how anxiety has affected you, I’d love to hear them. Just reach out…..
Change your Mindset to Change your Life!