“Words have a magical power. They can either bring the greatest happiness or the deepest despair.”                   -Dr. Sigmund Freud

 

Here’s a bit of a bold statement: In our present, everyday world, we don’t take words seriously enough!

I’m not saying that we should take life or ourselves too seriously nor that we should sweat the small stuff. But we do need to watch our words, not only those we use to express ourselves in the world but, more important, those we say to ourselves. With the advancements in neuroscience and greater understanding of the mind and brain, we now know that our subconscious ‘hears’ and knows our beliefs, thoughts and ideas before the conscious mind does. And the body feels and knows all this even before the mind. Which is to say, that whether you do or say something, positive or negative, good or bad, to yourself, your subconscious mind ‘hears’ it and stores it, for further and future use. And then it keeps repeating it, over and over again until these beliefs and thought patterns become ‘automatic’ or ‘default’. The challenging part of this is that you go on living your life believing that these particular thoughts are the REAL you, the essence of you…… but they’re not. You can change these negative and unhelpful words and thoughts and get back to you………..the AUTHENTIC you, not the you that you thought those ugghh words represented.

It's really quite amazing how our body, mind and spirit work together. Have you ever noticed, for example, when you tell yourself “I’m a loser,” that your body droops, your voice lacks energy and your lack of confidence is glaringly showing its ugly face to anyone and everyone around you, including you? If, instead, you say to yourself, “I’m a winner” ore even, “I’m a star,” then your posture straightens up, you hold your head high and your body, mind and spirit feel energized and confident. Even if you don’t quite believe it at first, over time you will. In the meantime, there’s nothing wrong with the ‘fake it until you make it’ attitude. It takes a lot of repetition and practice to change the neural pathways in your mind, which will, consequently, change your beliefs and thoughts.  By the way, it is not conceited or over the top to tell yourself you’re a star. That’s what you are; a unique star, shining brightly only once in all of infinity. So, don’t be shy. Go for it. Show the world what you’ve got!

 

Try this EXERCISE, as an experiment and see what happens.

I’m the first to say that this doesn’t work for everyone. Those of us who have experienced trauma may have to work through our trauma, to get to the point where we can talk to ourselves kindly, compassionately and with love. For now, if you have to, pretend and just do it!

Let’s start with a common thought that many of us experience; ‘I am not worthy’. Please grab a brightly-colored post-it and put it on your bathroom mirror or on your work computer. How about starting this habit with the words, ‘I am worthy?’ Just write them big and boldly on the post-it. Every 30 minutes or so, when you stand up and breathe to take a break, read your post it and, if possible, read it aloud. Vocalizing helps plant it in your brain. By the end of the work day, you will have read it many times.

Continue this exercise over 3 months (approximately 90 days); this is, typically, the minimum time it takes to truly change a mind habit. Et voila------you’re beginning to develop a new, happier and healthier mindset.

You can continue in this way with different ideas or phrases and eventually, add a morning routine to it. (Learn more @www.gigiarnaud.com).

 

Think about it; isn’t this what social media posts do? Folks repeat ideas, phrases, titles and, if they do it enough, it enters into your conscious awareness and even deeper, into your subconscious mind, which is your ‘storage center’ for beliefs and thoughts learned or conditioned into you throughout your early life (0-7 years).

 

It’s an amazing thing that the subconscious mind will ‘believe’ you whether you do something or just say it-----------over and over and over again! Repetition and practice makes progress! Action is what brings it out into the world and more important-------into your world!

 

STICKS AND STONES:

I remember hearing the children’s rhyme: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” 

I don’t know about you but when I heard this, as a child, I understood it to mean that we shouldn’t hit each other (physically)------not that we shouldn’t ‘hit’ each other with words, too. Perhaps, I wasn’t paying attention……….Really, this rhyme is meant to be used as a defense against name-calling and verbal bullying, intended to avoid physical retaliation but also to increase resiliency and to remain calm. Clearly, I missed the intention of the latter.

It wasn’t only with the other schoolkids where name-calling and bullying were present. Many of us were also living in homes and many still do, where these negative words and phrases are used, to criticize, to hurt, to anger, to inflict pain and damage. In our society, we’re quite concerned with the ‘outside’ and how we look-----to others. Often, we forget to best behave with those we love the most: our family and friends. In many homes, there’s name-calling, like ‘You’re stupid’ or ‘You’re not as smart as your brother’; in other words, ‘You’re not worthy’ or ‘You’re not enough’. Then, there is abuse and trauma: physical, emotional, developmental, intergenerational and more. Most of the time, the trauma isn’t inflicted intentionally but it may still remain with you and in you. By the way, trauma is not just PTSD. There Is Big T and Small T trauma (Read my blog posts: Talk about Trauma).

In many homes, there is comparing, between siblings, friends, family members. Comparing to others is a poison to your soul. You get trapped in living an ‘external’, ‘people-pleasing’, ‘keep up with the Jones’ life that often, doesn’t align with who you are, and what you want to be and do with your life, personally and professionally.

As parents, teachers, relatives and friends; whoever you are and whatever you do, it is vital to pay attention to and choose well, the words you use. Once said, a nasty or hurtful comment cannot be unsaid. The harm is done; it enters into the spirit of another and starts breaking yours, little by little.

 

ACTIONS:

It’s not only that words can affect your mind, heart and spirit but they can change how you live your life. If, for example, your inner critic (we all have this devil) tells you ‘I’m not capable,’ well then, you may not try to start your own business or write that book you have inside you or take that business course that interests you. What a shame and what a waste! Friends, we are only here for a speck of time within all of infinity. If we are here, we are meant to be here. So, get up, get going, take action and do the inner work to change your mindset (consciously and subconsciously) and start living your new and improved life and lifestyle. Then, continue taking action to do the outer work: get that promotion, start that business, write that book, etc.

Words have so much power; they can cause people to change their ideas, minds, to change their actions and sometimes, to take action. An example of using words in a harmful way was when Trump rallied his followers (indirectly perhaps) to storm our nation’s Capitol and cause an insurrection; he used words like fake news; rigged election; bad big tech; these people (his supporters) won’t take it any longer and American patriots committed to fair elections; we will never give up and concede, stop the steal and Democrats illegally taking over the country….Over his 4 years in office, he constantly and consistently repeated words like: fake news, witch hunt, called people names (even the disabled); all bullying techniques……..using just words.

In this way, you could say that words and the way they’re used, CREATE the world. If you take this concept and use it for the good in your personal and professional life and for the good of others in theirs, then you can stop the bullies from using those words that harm us and you can encourage and support those who use their words to create great things, or great ideas or new countries….

Without action, all these sensational words, desires, dreams and ideas that were put into you, will just stay inside you. You gotta get out there and share them with others: your friends, family, community, and the world………….

You are here to shine---------as a star in the sky! In this way, you will live brightly and give off your love and light to others……who certainly need it.

 

CHANGE:

Change isn’t easy; it’s uncomfortable, frustrating and takes a lot of courage, consistency and compassion (especially for yourself), but I can tell you from experience, it’s so worth it. Sometimes, it feels like a roller-coaster ride, sometimes like a tsunami and other times, like a rainbow appearing. Change doesn’t have to be big. As a matter of fact, taking one small step at a time is often the best way to change habits, routines and long-term unhelpful behaviors.  It doesn’t matter what age or stage of life you’re in; do the work and reap the rewards and abundance. It’s there for the taking, whether you do it by yourself, with a friend or with a professional (ie: lifecoachnyc, therapist, hypnotherapist).

You may want to call change a complex, curveball-throwing process that helps you to learn, grow and develop into the shining star of a human that you were born to be.

 

One of the greatest discoveries of all time is the recent one that says; if you change your beliefs and thought patterns (for the long-term), then your life changes. Some may consider this scary. I consider it exciting beyond belief. Knowing that I can change, no matter my age, education or life circumstances, gives me incredible optimism, joy and hope!

You can do it; don’t you want to sprinkle some of your unique stardust around? I certainly do…..

 

With smiles and love,

Dr Gigi

 

PS: Learn more about trauma growth, changing your neural pathways and more, with mindset/trauma informed coaching and hypnosis, to help change your inner and outer worlds, both personally and professionally. Get your Free Mindset guide and Free Discovery Session with me, to see what works best for you @www.gigiarnaud or on the social media links below.

 

Some good words to tell yourself: You are loved. You are worthy. You are enough!