What is Self-Mastery? Strategies to Achieve your Potential
As a LifeCoachNYC & Mindset Coach (and hypnotherapist), a part of the work with clients revolves around the client’s developing mind mastery and ultimately, self-mastery.
So, what is self-mastery? Let’s say that it’s the power of being in control of the internal thought processes that guide your emotions, habits, behaviors, impulses and actions. It’s the ability to RESPOND rather than react. The former is done with intention and awareness, the latter is visceral and without reason.
This may sound simple; we may think about the conscious mind’s functioning when we see this definition. Though we need the conscious mind to be in alignment with the subconscious mind, it’s not so easy, as many of us know (my hand is raised here).
Personally, I spent years trying to master my impulses and emotions and wasn’t very successful, no matter how many books I read, courses I took, etc. At one point, I realized that I had to go deeper. My conscious wishes, desires and dreams were all great but it seemed that my subconscious mind wasn’t in agreement or alignment with those conscious wishes. So, I did the deeper work necessary, to learn how my subconscious mind was doing its own thing, though my conscious mind wanted it to do other things. I was struggling with constant anxiety, OCD and a dysregulated nervous system, not to mention, having a hard time regulating my emotions. The truth is, I wasn’t allowing myself to actually feel all my emotions. Apparently, my subconscious mind knew that they were a bit scary, so I had to learn to excavate them, bring them up to the surface and feel them. Then, I had to learn to integrate them. When I talk about integrated emotions, I’m talking about rethinking all feelings as allies, so we can escape the ‘negative emotions’ trap.
Here's a quote, attributed to many, that captures the essence of SELF-MASTERY:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
Watch your words, they become actions;
Watch your actions, they become habits;
Watch your habits, they become character;
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
You’re not selfish, but rather self-ish (or selfless), when you learn mind and self-mastery; it changes your life, as well as those around you.
FEEL ALL YOUR FEELINGS:
For so many years, we were being told to ‘think positively,’ but you can tell your conscious mind this all you want and it won’t change, unless you look further (subconscious).
When we look at emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ we’re in a constant state of internal struggle against our own emotions. Like it or not, my friends, we humans have the whole range of emotions and we must learn how to become aware of and feel them. Basically, you have to make friends with ALL your feelings.
Why can this be hard? Well, if you have anxiety, depression or trauma (which many of us have) in your background, then your subconscious mind may be protecting you, so that you don’t feel the pain (often stored in your body, by the way) of these scary and potentially awful feelings. The primary function of your subconscious mind is to keep you safe and safe means familiar. So, if you were raised in a chaotic, neglectful or abusive household, then that becomes your mind’s safe and familiar-----like it or not.
So, you have to go into your body and mind, discover and understand your anxiety, pain, trauma, then, bring it to the surface (from subconscious to conscious) so that you can do something about it.
For years, even decades, I was frustrated and constantly anxious, asking myself why I couldn’t regulate my emotions and subsequent behaviors and actions.
7 STRATEGIES FOR CULTIVATING SELF-MASTERY:
1)Be your own OBJECTIVE OBSERVER. Look at your thoughts (that constant inner commentary) as if they’re not yours but as an objective observer, looking from the outside. See if the thought is really true.
Ask yourself: “Is this thought true?” Then, “can I be absolutely sure this thought is true?” Then, ‘How do I feel (mind, body and spirit) if this thought is true?” And then, “how do I feel (mind, body, spirit) when this thought is not true?”
You are connecting your mind and body and looking at your thoughts, as if from a distance. You will, likely, discover, that most of your thoughts (95%) are not true and that often, they come from somebody else (beliefs, ideas and thoughts absorbed into your subconscious mind, mostly from 0-7 years of age). We filter the world through our own specific lens, therefore, it’s important to keep ‘looking’ as objectively as you can at your thoughts and emotions. This will allow you to start becoming aware of your thoughts and emotions and regulating them well, to develop a more peaceful inner state and outer life.
Self-mastery is about creating inner congruence---a peace and agreement between an external stimulus, our internal interpretation, and our emotional response.
2)Make peace with your past. All of us have issues, challenges and negative experiences from our past. It’s important to acknowledge them and either, keep them or discard and release them. Ultimately, it’s your choice. Making peace with your past gives you a more objective approach to the present, ideally resulting in a positive future for you.
3)Play Angel vs Devil:
Like the cartoons you may have seen as a kid, imagine an ‘angel’ on one of your shoulders and a ‘devil’ (pitchfork and all) on the other shoulder.
When your inner voice (angel) and your inner critic (devil) start debating, it’s your job to listen and to see which is the best truth for you and your present situation. Generally, it’s better to listen more to your inner voice (angel).
4)Write down your Thoughts (Journal):
Whether you journal or not, writing down your thoughts gets them out of your head (release) and onto paper. This way, you can look at them, objectively observe them, ask questions, and eventually, decide to keep or release them. Remember----it’s your choice. Setting time aside for this help turn your desires and dreams into reality.
5)Be a Performer, not a Spectator:
Take an active approach in your life. Be involved in it, not just a spectator. When a situation calls for a response, a self-mastered person takes initiative and steps right in. Don’t hesitate. Just do it. When you know that something is right, follow through with it.
6)Reappraisal:
This is reinterpreting an event in such a way that it reduces the negative response or completely replaces it with a positive one. It’s not necessarily what your thought is but, how you interpret it. What lens do you see it through? “Is the glass half full or half empty?”
7)Be Honest with Yourself:
Take an honest assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. Own up to your ugly parts; we all have them. We are human.
The truth is that self-mastery has to start with self-honesty.
Flight emergency procedures are a great example of self-mastery; you must put your mask on first before you can help anyone else. Become the best version of yourself and you can then spark change in the lives of others. When you transform your inner personal world, it will cause ripple effects through your outer world.
With smiles and love,
Dr Gigi
PS: Be in touch @www.gigiarnaud.com, if/when you’re ready to start changing your inner world, so that you can live your best & most authentic outer world (life)!
Change your Thoughts, Change your Life, Change your World!