So many coaches and experts talk about intentions and goals; desires and dreams to be accomplished. What many don’t discuss are the barriers all of us, we humans at least, have lodged and hidden in our deeper, stronger subconscious minds.

Those beliefs and thought patterns you were taught and conditioned with, by family, institutions and society, in your early formative years (0-7 years), hidden way down there just under (sub) the awareness of your conscious mind. These thoughts become automatic and default patterns, that you tend to repeat over and over and over again and that lead and pretty much control your life; your behaviors, actions………..and consequently, your destiny.

When you change the words, beliefs and thoughts you use and think, especially to yourself, is when and how your life changes or even, transforms. Problem is------what often stops you from these needed, helpful and more positive changes, are your limiting beliefs or blocks (again, conditioned into you at an early age or even, through trauma, which most of us have experienced in one form or another).

 

What is a LIMITING BELIEF?

It’s a state of mind, belief or conviction that you think to be true, that limits you in some way. It could be about you, your interactions with others, or with the society and world and how it works. These limiting beliefs often have a number of negative effects. They can keep you from making good choices, taking new opportunities and of reaching your potential. In other words, they keep you STUCK in a negative state of mind (mindset) and can prevent you from living the life you truly desire and dream of.

 

WHAT causes limiting beliefs?

-our primitive and physiological negativity bias, which protected us as cavemen but keeps us stuck in safety (which is familiarity) now.

-family beliefs: ie: career paths (or not) you should take, how to behave and how to relate with others

-education: when you’re learning from authority figures who you respect (teachers, family, friends), you may be inclined to believe that what they present to you is true.

 

BOTTOM LINE  (Common) BLOCKS:

There are a vast array of limiting beliefs to choose from (limitless), so let’s go over the most popular (bad word here) or common ones-----the bottom line ones.

1)I’m not ______ enough (Insert, ie: smart, pretty, kind, unselfish, talented, etc.) just as I am.

2)I’m not worthy _________(Fill in the blank with, ie: of love, time, patience, attention, taking up space, etc.)

3)I’m helpless (ie: or weak, incapable, dumb, etc.). This often occurs when we have a codependent relationship with a parent or with trauma (see below). You may start to believe that you need that person to be able to get things done. Not true……..

4)I’m not lovable. This occurs when you don’t receive consistent and unconditional love, caring and attention, as many of us haven’t, when it was needed, as an infant or as a young child.

 

Just a quick aside: most parents/guardians don’t want to intentionally hurt you, cause you pain and trauma or screw you up (though there are some). They just don’t know any better themselves. Trauma is a large part of life for most and the more you learn about it, particularly your own and how it has or has not affected you, the better off you’ll be. (refer to my previous blog posts: Talk About Trauma).

 

Personally, it has taken me decades (Yes----you’re reading this correctly) to first, understand and accept that I’d had trauma in my life (and plenty) by, finally, seeing the symptoms and then, to take action to do something about it (lots of coaching, therapy, hypnosis, courses, seminars and thousands of self-help books). Then, PTG (post-traumatic growth) shows its beautiful face!  It can be a rough and tough ride but it was the most important and helpful journey of my life.

 

SYMPTOMS that you’ve had trauma: (ie: developmental, intergenerational, abuse, neglect, etc.):

Let’s say TRAUMA (we’re talking about emotional and psychological trauma here) is the result of extremely stressful events that shatter your sense of security and safety, causing you to feel helpless in a dangerous world. A traumatic experience is any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. The objective circumstances don’t determine whether or not an event is traumatic but your subjective emotional experience of the event does. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you’re traumatized.  It can leave you struggling with memories, upsetting emotions and anxiety (I’m raising my hand here) that doesn’t go away. You may feel numb, disconnected, disassociated and unable to trust other people.

NOTE: Your responses to trauma (big or small T) are NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL events. In other words, your reactions to this trauma were survival reactions, which let you keep going. Remember, the primary job of your subconscious mind is to keep you safe, which means ‘in the familiar’. If chaos, screaming, anger and anxiety were typical behaviors in your house growing up (yes to that), then safety to you is chaos and anxiety and guess what kinds of relationships you may find yourself in: that’s right----those involving drama, ups and downs and anger/making up--------the rollercoaster ride of your traumatic upbringing.

The good news is that you can change it.

 

EMOTIONAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS:

-Anxiety and Fear

-Guilt, Shame, self-blame

-Anger, mood swings

-Difficulty concentrating; confusion

-Feeling sad, hopeless

-Feeling disconnected, numb (disassociation)

-Denial, disbelief, shock

-Isolating, withdrawal from others

 

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS:

-Agitation, edginess

-Racing heartbeat

-Easily startled

-Insomnia, nightmares

-Fatigue

-Muscle tension

-Aches and Pains

-Difficulty concentrating

 

Types of Trauma: Big T and Small T trauma:

Big T: PTSD, an accident, violent attack, injury, rape, especially if unexpected or occurring in childhood (ie: death of someone close; divorce; a sick family member, addictions, etc.).

Small T: ongoing, relentless stress, often in small doses over an extended period of time (ie: living in a crime-ridden area, life-threatening illness or repeating events: bullying, domestic violence or neglect; and often, repeated incidences of being ignored or feeling invisible.

 

Experiencing trauma in childhood can result in long-lasting and detrimental effects. If not resolved, a sense of fear (ie: the world is a scary place) and helplessness continues into adulthood, which allows for further trauma.

 

While emotional trauma is a normal response to a distressing event, it can become PTSD when your nervous system becomes dysregulated or gets ‘stuck’ on high alert and stays constantly hypervigilant, which is exhausting: physically, emotionally, mentally and even, spiritually.

 

Here are some general TRAUMA RECOVERY tips: (Disclaimer: these do not take the place of seeing a professional: therapist, MD, coach, etc.). As mentioned previously, the job of the subconscious is to keep us safe. The primary job of the body is to get us to a state of balance (equilibrium), known as homeostasis. Trauma disrupts your body’s equilibrium and keeps you frozen and stuck in a state of fear and hyperarousal. So, movement and exercise can help to repair your overactivated nervous system, as well as releasing endorphins and burning off adrenaline.

-Move/Exercise for 30 minutes on most days (or three 10-minute bursts); walk, hike, dance to the music, play tennis, use your bike, etc. Rhythmic exercise works well

-Add Mindfulness to your Movement: stay in the present moment and with what you’re doing. No distractions. Focus on your body and how it feels when you move or your breathing…..

-Don’t Isolate. Socialize a bit and connect. You don’t have to discuss the trauma.

-Ask for support, help. You are NOT alone!

-Reconnect with old, supportive friends.

-Join a support group.

-Vocal toning: this stimulates your vagus nerve, which activates your parasympathetic nervous system and your ‘rest and digest’ response.

 

TIPS to self-regulate your nervous system:

-mindful Breathing

-calming sensory input (music, chanting, etc.)

-feeling grounded. Put your feet on the ground and be out in nature.

-ALLOW yourself to feel what you feel, when you feel it. Don’t distract; don’t brush it aside; Just FEEL it! Trust me; this will save you years of suffering. Just FEEL it all!!!

-stay healthy: sleep well, avoid drugs, alcohol, eat well, reduce stress (ie: mindfulness, meditation, yoga, deep breathing techniques).

 

We’re so fortunate to now be living in a time when so much knowledge is available to us, about trauma, its symptoms and effects. For me, I only wish we had this decades ago. But------------it’s never too late. You can heal from trauma and a great fact: you can grow from trauma (POST-TRAUMATIC GROWTH or PTG). Woo-hoo! I know this to be true because, although it’s taken me quite a while, I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can accept and even, thank the trauma for being there, so that I could become who and what I was meant to.

You can too!

 

With smiles and love,

Dr Gigi

 

PS: If you think or know that you’ve experienced trauma and want/need some help in processing and growing from it, please feel free to be in touch @www.gigiarnaud.com (mindset & trauma growth coach, lifecoachnyc, hypnotherapist). If I can help you------great. If not, I’ll let you know who can. Enjoy the ride---------rough and tumble as it may feel. I’m here for you and with you.